Nerds need charm too

When I saw the recent report (posted below) about the start of MIT's 19th annual Charm School, the first thought I had was, "If the A+ kids get charm and social skills, what jobs will be left for the C students?" Typically, the top 1% of the class, the brainiest students, become scientists, researchers, professors, while the middle of the class becomes sales people, team leaders, and customer service associates.

What happens if the smarties acquire the social skills--what happens to the middle students?

I am glad the engineers and other brilliant nerds, as they call themselves in the clip, from MIT get access to basic social and etiquette skills. They need it. But, they don't need it more than B and C students and I hope all universities and corporations are paying attention.

B and C students may possess social skills naturally, but they need to hone business etiquette in order to represent themselves and their companies well internally and externally. My first book, Secrets of Seasoned Professionals, captures basics and beyond because damaging a reputation over offenses that could be avoided is unnecessary. (Book on Amazon)

As MIT figured out when it began its Charm School 19 years ago, how you act is as important as what you know. That's true for nerds and C students alike.

After pondering this for a few days, and catching a few episodes of Big Bang Theory, I've concluded that the nerds an be charming, but there will always be a need for the B and C students--there's only so much charm a person can learn.

Bazinga!

Watch out for happiness pushers

Watch out! They are lurking on every corner: they are happiness pushers. You probably know some, but here are a few signs just in case you need help recognizing them:

• They post "high on life" quotations on Facebook and Twitter every day...several times a day.
• They quote success gurus, even in live conversations, as if they are dear friends.
• They tell you to look on the bright side, no matter what the situation is as if how you look solves everything.
• They say they know how you feel, then they one-up whatever your situation is.
• They are less than successful in their business, relationships, life in general. You can tell this by what they complain about and how they respond to changes in their lives.

So, what's the problem with these people? Isn't it great to see only the bright side of life every day? What's wrong with "don't worry, be happy" as a life motto?

The problem is denial.

The fact is: life is not all sunshine, rainbows, and bunnies every minute every day. When people deny that, they don't really experience everything of life and they deny themselves something great.

When you don't face life's challenges head-on, but rather sweep them aside with a smile, you deny yourself a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Greatness is built by handling adversity, not by pretending it isn't there. Challenges are life's way of revealing who you really are, so if you put on a brave face and fake happiness, you miss out on that revelation.

We do not have to be happy every minute of every day. People who push happiness as if it is a character flaw when you don't feel happy are phony, oblivious, or dumb.

It is okay to be upset, to worry, to be afraid. Admit how you feel and handle the issue. You will feel much better once the challenge is resolved than if you just pretended to be happy that whole time.

Give yourself the opportunity to overcome obstacles by not being happy every minute. When it comes to happiness pushers, just say, "No".

Another reputation ruined by stupidity

Yesterday, Montana’s chief federal judge, Richard Cebull, admitted forwarding a racist email to six "old buddies" about President Obama. He sent the email from his court account, not from home or even a personal account.

The email included several racist jokes along with the judge's personal message to his buddies. “Normally I don’t send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine,” Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull wrote before forwarding the email. (SOURCE: Los Angeles Times)

The judge admits the jokes are racists but claims he sent them not as a racist but because he dislikes Obama.

Politics aside...racism aside...just how stupid is that judge to think it is prudent to send an email like that? Just how stupid is he to attach his name to that kind of email, especially since he admitted knowing it could offend people. Sure, he never intended the email to become public, but that's the point: you should ALWAYS assume emails could become public.

Email has been around for 20 years! Warnings about emails being forwarded to recipients beyond those you intend have been around 20 years! How many more reputations will be ruined by the stupid assumption that no one else will see one?

Being stupid enough to assume emails are private is one thing, but perhaps it just reveals the real issue: poor character.

My question for you to ponder: if a top judge is stupid enough to assume emails are private, are you? Or, are the top leaders of your company? Judge Cebull's stupidity serves as a good reminder to us all, which might prevent another reputation from being ruined by stupidity.

(Information for this post was taken from the Los Angeles Times article, Montana judge admits sending racist email about Obama, posted by Kim Murphy February 29, 2012, 9:06 p.m.)

Paterno's greatest lesson

Penn State's head football coach Joe Paterno died today. He died just two months since the revelation that he did not prevent a child molester, one of his assistant coaches, from abusing young boys on the part of the campus he was responsible for the last 45+ years.

Paterno was fired in disgrace after reports came out about him ignoring witness reports of sexually abusive behavior taking place in the football team's locker room. Paterno himself admitted to not doing enough to prevent further abuse. The university fired him and severed all media and marketing ties with him. Some are saying he died of a broken heart after being so humiliated by the disgrace of his firing from his beloved university.

Since the child molestation crimes of Penn State's former assistant coach and Paterno's knowledge and acceptance of the molestation have become public knowledge, millions of people are angry at Paterno, but he still has some supporters. There are some people who have said today that "we should let the man rest in peace." Others have said they "will show Paterno the kind of peace he showed the children victimized on his watch: none!"

Within the Penn State family, Paterno was treated as a saint and revered as a man of remarkable character. Outside of Penn State, however, stories about his poor character, rudely offensive behavior, and lack of discipline among his teams are common, if not well known. Paterno's reputation within Penn State and outside of it have always been very different. The difference is even more evident since his lack of action to prevent child molestation became public.

In November, just after the assistant coach was arrested, I blogged about Paterno and others being true to who they are. (blog post) I wrote: Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well. You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Now that Paterno has died, I wonder if he ever saw himself for who he really was.

I wonder what went through Paterno's mind during the last few hours of consciousness of his life. I wonder if he prayed and sought forgiveness for allowing the abuse to continue for so many years. I wonder if he hoped his legacy would be the good things he did during his life instead of the revelations of the last two months. I wonder if he was mad at Penn State for severing ties, thinking he didn't deserve it. I wonder if he was at peace with the legacy he leaves behind.

The lesson we can all take from Paterno's death and the recent months is that we should live so the answer about our legacy is clear. And, is desirable.

Whether we're thinking about the legacy of our lives or our departures from our jobs, volunteer leadership positions, or social events, we should live deliberately so there is no doubt about our legacy.

What do you want people to say about you after you leave your current company? Or, department, neighborhood, school, client, networking group, association chapter, or church? If you do not want people cheering your departure, choose your actions accordingly. If you do want people to miss you, remember you fondly, and appreciate your work, choose your actions accordingly.

So, whether you are on a big stage like Paterno was, people in your life will remember you one way or another.

You decide.

Speakers: we've got to do better!

Some young business colleagues posted this video with the caption "this is why we all hate speakers!" Oh, sure, a few bad lecturers give all speakers a bad name. The only way to change that reputation is by being interesting and impactful--not like this video!



What do you think: are the thoughts conveyed here realistic or way off base?

3 ways to avoid success

How can you tell if someone wants to be successful? Perhaps they arrive at the office earlier than others, tackle challenging work, or propose innovative ideas toward progress. There are some obvious signs of success.

How can you tell if someone is a failure? Perhaps they sleep in until 8am, passively market their ideas, or do not have any ideas. There are some obvious signs of failure. There are some less obvious signs too, and three are listed below.

Three routes to avoid success and find failure:

1. Coattail Riding: Success does not come to those who ride the coattails of others. If you do not work hard yourself, you will not experience the same level of success as others, even if a little of their light shines on you.
2. Copying: Success does not come to copycats. Be original. Have something new to say. If you do not work hard to be a leader in your field of expertise, you will not be an expert. Reading someone else's work can be helpful and interesting, but copying it as your own will not make you successful. 
3. Crying: There's no crying over errors. Successful people keep moving forward, as it says in Put Your Whole Self In! Crying, wallowing, and whining are guaranteed routes to failure.

Those three routes to failure seem like they would be obvious too. Yet, many people ride coattails, copy, and cry rather than do the work required to be at the top of the heap.

3 lessons old people teach us about fun

All-In strategy number five, from the book Put Your Whole Self In! Life & Leadership the Hokey Pokey Way, is to Enjoy Now.

I talk in the book and in presentations about not putting off joy until something happens--like the mortgage is paid off, a new coworker arrives, the lazy boss is ousted, the kids go off to college. Seek something to honor, appreciate, and celebrate every day. Seek to laugh every day and to make someone else laugh daily too.

Here's a video that made me laugh this week:

Three things can we all learn from that clip:

1. Don't wait for joy to find you today. Create it for yourself and those around you.
2. Be prepared for fun at any time. Have the right tools--like an extra steering wheel.
3. The event may be brief, but the laugh can last a long time.

One more lesson: as funny as this was, it's from a movie. Don't create your own joy at others' expense; for example, causing accidents while driving. There's enough jokers on the road these days.

Have a terrific Friday and weekend being All-In!

Heineken nailed it

Heineken nailed it: You are who you are when no one is looking. As much as I dislike that trite phrase, it becomes more relevant every day as more and more people don't seem to realize its truth.

Whatever act you put on for peers, bosses, the media, clients, acquaintances, you are who you are. You are what you do. You are not who you say you are or who you think you are. You are who you are.

There are so many examples in the news right now, it is surprising to me how many people have not learned the truth. Or, perhaps they do not want to admit the truth about who they are--even to themselves.

One example is Penn State's legendary football coach, Joe Paterno. As you may have heard, one of Joe Pa's long-time coaches was arrested Saturday and arraigned on 40 criminal counts related to decades of sexual abuse of young boys. A 28-year-old graduate assistant witnessed the retired coach in the shower with a 10-year old boy in 2002. The assistant told Paterno, who reportedly told the Athletic Director, who apparently did nothing. Paterno did nothing else either.

The investigation and fallout from it continue, and I bring it up here because Paterno and his followers have upheld him as a beacon of greatness for decades. While Paterno has not been arrested, the fact is, he knew about the abuse and continued to allow the abuser to use the facilities at Penn State. So, whether he is legally responsible, he is morally responsible because he knew (he admits to knowing). He can think of himself as a beacon of greatness, his followers can continue to talk him up, ESPN can slop sugar all over him, but he is who he is. Paterno is someone who did not prevent gross sexual perversion of children from occurring in his facility, yet, he could have. Whatever his legal obligation, the bottom line is he knew about it and did not prevent it from continuing. He is who he is.

The Penn State situation is disgusting, and all details are not public yet.

Other less disgusting but just as obvious examples of people in denial of "you are what you are" are evident in workplaces every day:

• The manager or board member who takes credit for someone else's idea. 
• The business leader who promotes herself as a role model, yet is not successful in that business. 
• The salesperson who tells customers to buy more than they need, just so he can get commission on it.
• The employee who takes two-hour lunches, pads expense accounts, and takes office supplies.
• The entrepreneur who keeps long lists of things to do to improve his business, yet never does anything on the lists.

However you justify your behavior, however you position it to the media, coworkers, or your own mind, you are who you are. 

Live and work as though the truth of who you are is important. Whether you want to believe it or not, others can tell who you are and will treat you according to who you are, not who you think you are, not who you wish you were, and not who you say you are. The truth is evident to others. See yourself for what you are. If you do not like the results you are getting, look in the mirror.

As we talk about in The All-In Way sessions and the book Put Your Whole Self In, pass the Mirror Test every day. See yourself. See the truth about yourself. Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well.

You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Too legit to quit

An entrepreneur named Stanley Burrell announced  the launch of a new search engine at last week's Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco. Yawn...

Don't get too bored...

Burrell's stage name is MC Hammer. Yes, that MC Hammer. You remember him because he's too legit, too legit to quit. Hammer was one of the biggest rap stars of all time, selling more than 50 million records in his heyday. He is credited with being one of the innovators of pop-rap because his music appealed to fans of both in a unique way back in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

You also might remember him for his Hammer pants, Hammer time, and personal difficulties in the late 1990s.

He's come a long way since then.

When MC Hammer was in the midst of stardom and sang about being "too legit to quit," I thought he was focused on being "too legit." He admitted as much in interviews years after spending his $20 million fortune, losing his house, filing bankruptcy, and settling copyright infringement lawsuits. He has spoken in interviews on Oprah and VH1 and elsewhere about out-of-order priorities causing his downfall.

What stands out to me now is not the "too legit" part, it's the "to quit" part. It turns out the kid dancing to a boombox outside Oakland A's ballpark really was not going to quit.

Burrell has many business holdings including a record label, artist management company, MMA management company, horse racing stable, and clothing line (that does not sell Hammer pants, by the way). He also is an established internet mogul involved with several dance sites.

This guy came from living in a tiny house with eight siblings, dancing outside the A's stadium and made it to the height of super-stardom, then lost the superstar staus and financial security, then became a successful business mogul with diverse business interests. He's living life All In!

After all of the highs and lows, Stanley Burrell really is too legit to quit. I suspect his latest high-tech venture will be successful too. Or, at least if it's not, he will be just fine. MC Hammer: too legit to quit. Stanley Burrell: U can't touch this.

Question for Readers:

Who would have thought we could learn something from Hammer Time, but we can. Knock me over with a feather. My question for you: are you too legit to quit too?

Link to article on www.CNN.com

Leadership lesson learned from silver dollars

My paternal grandparents lived in Connecticut, and we lived a thousand miles away in Missouri. We would get together in the summers on family vacations and when the Yankees came to KC to play the Royals.

The last silver dollar from my grandfather on my desk today

Every time I would see my grandfather, just a few times a year, he would put a silver dollar in the palm of my hand and give me a wink. He made me feel like the most special person in the world, and I saved many of those coins. The last one he gave me prior to his death stays on my desk as a reminder to emulate him and how he interacted with people.

For years, my grandfather walked every day at the local mall. He knew everyone there and loved seeing the same people every day. The evening of his wake in 1997, cars lined the streets and police directed traffic for the hundreds of people who wanted to pay their respects at the funeral home. People waited in a line that twisted around the room and out in to a lobby area. The line was full of neighbors, friends, and lifelong friends of his five sons. The line also was full of people wearing a variety of uniforms required of workers at the mall. So many people who knew my grandfather only from his walks at the mall made the time to come to his wake.

I was so enthralled with all of those people, I introduced myself to as many as I could so they could tell me their stories. Each told stories about how my grandfather would stop for a brief greeting or just wave if they were busy, but he acknowledged them every day. He made them feel special every day. And, it turns out, he gave them silver dollars.

My whole life, I thought I was the only recipient of the silver dollars. As a child, I learned he gave them to my brothers and cousins too, but I thought that was it. He made us feel so special when he gave us those coins.It turns out, he was doing the same all over town! He gave them to the workers at the mall, at restaurants he frequented, auto repair shops, gas stations--everywhere!

It surprised and thrilled me to learn about his friendships with so many people none of us knew and to learn that he made them feel special. I bet many of them have the last silver dollar he gave them in a special place and remember him fondly, just as I do.

So, what's the leadership lesson here?

There are many lessons to be learned from my grandfather, but the main reason I keep the final silver dollar handy is the reminder to pay attention to others. Whether you are the leader of a company, department, home, church committee, or neighborhood, you are a leader because others follow you. The more special you make them, the more loyalty they will have for you. And, small gestures like a wink, smile, daily greeting can be all you need. My grandfather could have handed out pennies and people would have loved him. The way he made people feel is why they waited in traffic and in line to honor him. It was not about the money. It was about how valuable he made people feel because he genuinely saw them as valuable.

As a leader, if you feel sorry for people who look up to you, they can tell.

For example, if you run a call center but feel sorry for the employees answering the phone, they can tell you do not value them or their positions. Perhaps you think a 45-year old woman working in a call center has not had much of a career and will never make more than $50,000, so you feel sorry for her. You don't have to say anything for your demeanor to reflect your feelings about her. What you're missing is that she is a service-minded person who is thrilled to get paid $35,000 to help people. You might feel sorry that recent college graduates can't find better jobs than the entry level ones available in the call center. But, they might be thrilled to have day jobs while they work on their music careers at night. Your attitude toward entry level jobs is reflected, even if it is not stated.

The lesson from my grandfather would be not to judge people for holding those jobs, but to genuinely care about them. They are no worse than you, just as someone who makes twice your salary is no better than you. Don't judge them either. Don't be too busy or pre-occupied to be kind. Just be happy to see people and treat them as such.

So, the leadership lesson is to treat people as if they matter because you really think they do. It might be the Golden Rule, but it's embedded in my head and heart by silver dollars.

What additional leadership lessons do you see in this story about my grandfather?

All-Out Company of the Week: Lowe's

The Wall Street Journal (www.online.wsj.com) includes an article summarizing Lowe's latest earnings forecast reduction. Although sales are up 2%, the article says, the home-improvement retailer advises that earnings per share will be down 6% because of store closings.

From The Wall Street Journal: "The volume of negative news and the unsettling impact from equity markets" are having a "significant effect on an already fragile consumer mindset," said Chief Executive Robert Niblock on a conference call. "More specifically, with regard to home-improvement spending, consumers continue to focus on small-ticket, less-than-$500 repair and maintenance items and projects," Mr. Niblock said.

News of Lowe's forecasted earnings reduction coincides with horrible service I've had there this month. The CEO knows consumers have a "fragile mindset," and they've closed stores, but apparently store employees do not know. I won't bore you with details of the treacherous ordering process, lazy employee who lied rather than work, or delivery nightmare--you've had those too and can relate.

Let's focus instead on how to avoid becoming your industry's killer of quality service and how to avoid making the All-Out List:

1. When a customer requests something reasonable of you, view the request as an opportunity. People who feel like they've inconvenienced you are not likely to return. Jump at the chance to provide service if you want to enhance the bond your customers feel with your business.
2. When your company makes a mistake, be honest and efficient. Customers want to hear about the solution, not about how it wasn't your fault. They want to know when the dryer will be delivered, or when the account correction will post, or when the report will be sent rather than about poor internal procedures. A mistake usually won't cause customers to leave but poor handling of a mistake will.
3. Get the work done right. Doing the work, whatever your field, is the bare minimum expected. Being nice, taking customers to lunch, gifting event tickets do not make up for unfinished, or poorly done, work. Kenny Chesney is great, but free tickets and backstage passes do not make up for poor quality. Taking 10% off the price is great, but it does not make up for missed delivery times. Do what you promise and promise only what you can do.

Keep those three strategies in mind, in addition to the usual recommendations for quality service, to avoid becoming known as the place good service goes to die in your industry. As for Lowe's, the experience is not over yet, but today's news was somewhat consoling: at least I'm not alone.


What do you think companies need to do to avoid the All-Out List?

First impressions and basic economics

They say you never get a second chance to make a good first impression. True. But, isn't it the second impressions which matter most?

People size each other up quickly. In about seven seconds, we decide if someone looks like a worthy business adviser, expert, friend, technician, employee...the list goes on and on. How often do you judge someone unworthy, based on first impressions alone (looks, voice, written, comments), yet give them another chance anyway? Frequently, right?

It is common to give second chances. Everything today is about relationships, so we can't write people off for what bothers us in less than a minute. For one thing, we have to work with people who don't impress us right away. We also serve them as customers, live next door, work on church committees, plan school events, and dine with them as friends of friends.

If a dear friend introduces you to her favorite coworker, who is drinking her third martini at Happy Hour Friday night, you're likely to forgive her coworker's bad karaoke rendition of Sweet Caroline. Or, if you get assigned to a project team with the office gossip, you'll keep your guard up rather than complain to the boss about expecting to be assigned to teams full of people you love dearly.

We adapt. We deal with people we don't click with. We give second chances. Most of the time it is smart to do so, and it often works out well for both sides.

The one time second chances are hard to get and give is basic economics: when supply is greater than demand.

For example, when interviewing for a new position and there are dozens, or thousands, of competing applicants, first impressions separate the interviewees. Typos on resumes ruin first impressions and knock candidates out of the running.

In today's competitive marketplace, first impressions count because supply exceeds demand. For example, I recently purchased a washer and dryer at Lowes. The experience was unpleasant from start to finish, so the next time I need something, Lowes will not be considered. In my one experience, it seems Lowes employees have poor eye sight. There's a direct competitor next door. Can they see it? Supply exceeds demand in their industry.

What about in your industry? Does supply exceed demand? If so, first impressions count. As do second, third, fourth...EVERY impression counts today. Use basic economics to your advantage by paying attention to every impression and by selling when a competitor missteps. Distinguish yourself and your business by considering every impression essential.

Is there an industry today where supply exceeds demand? What do you think about first impressions in your line of work?

All-In Person of the Week: Allan Guei, high school senior from Compton

If Allan Guei is representative of its young people, Compton's image may be changing. The high school senior made one of the most stunningly generous acts I've ever heard of, and in doing so becomes the All-In Person of the Week.

Compton High School in Los Angeles held a free throw shooting contest with $40,000 scholarship fund as its prize. One hundred students were eligible to enter the contest because their grade point average was above 3.0. One of the finalists was Mr. Guei, a basketball star at the school.

Mr. Guei won the contest and the scholarship money. He won $40,000!

And, he gave it all away.

In a gesture which stuns those of us who do not know the basketball player, Mr. Guei gave the entire $40,000 to the other seven finalists. Each will get $5,500. Although NCAA rules would have allowed the winner to keep the money, he gave it to the other contestants because he already has a full scholarship to Cal-State Northridge.

"I've already been blessed so much and I know we're living with a bad economy, so I know this money can really help my classmates," he said in a release from the school.

Every once in a while we all have the opportunity to show what we're made of. Mr. Guei showed he's made of good stuff--the best. If other students in his community are like him, Compton would be lucky. In fact, we'd all be lucky to be surrounded by people like him. We'd be lucky to BE like him!

Way to go, Allan! You INspire us all by being All-In!


Full article from Rivals

Gossip in the tabloids is akin to gossip in the workplace

Some say they read tabloid magazines like People, US Weekly, and National Inquirer for the "escape from the real world." I submit that All-In people don't keep up on the lives of Paris, Arnold's mistress, or the latest celeb's rehab as a way to escape their own lives.

The tabloid paparazzi prevented a child from attending his eight grade graduation last week. Granted, his father is a famous actor and former Governor, and news of his birth just came out. So what? The child should not miss his own life events because a picture of him would fetch a pretty penny.

Who pays those pretty pennies? Readers of tabloid magazines like People, US Weekly, and National Inquirer.

It used to be comical to read those rags while in line at the grocery store or at the dentist office, but the stories are no longer about aliens abducting former TV stars with three arms. The stories are about real children who are not in the spotlight.

The stories, photographs, and tabloids aren't as innocuous as they used to be.

I suspect the same people who read the tabloids for their escape are the same who gossip in the workplace. They say they don't mean anything by it, but they sure can wreck havoc.

Workplace gossip can bring down an employee in the way tabloids bring down celebrities. Companies lose hours of productivity to gossip every year, but don't assume everyone is doing it.

All-In people do not gossip. I saw a terrific example last week.

As people were gathering early for a meeting at a client's office, a woman asked another if she heard about Phyllis. The second woman said she heard Phyllis had family affected by the Joplin tornado. As the first woman responded with, "Yes, her daughter lives there with her boyfriend and kids. I don't know where the children's father is since they are getting divorced." The second woman quickly put her hand up, looked the first in the eye and said, "Oh, I don't need to know the details of Phyllis's family. All I need to know is that she needs donations and I can help her." The first woman had no response. She knew the second was not going to listen, so she stopped.

While it is not always as simple as that, there are plenty of people who see office gossip as harmful as the tabloid gossip.

When one's own life is full and rewarding, there is no need to escape it. When one is happy with oneself, there is no need to gossip. When one is focusing on doing good in their own life, there is no need to celebrate the downfall of others at work or in Hollywood.

When one lives All-In, they don't gossip about coworkers or celebrities to escape from their own lives, or to shift focus away from themselves, or to harm someone else's reputation. Do they?

What do you think: is reading tabloids harmless fun? Is office gossip harmless too?

All-In Person of the Weekend: 

Alonzo Mourning, former NBA star for the Miami Heat stopped busy Miami traffic Friday (March 25, 2011). He jumped out of his SUV, stood in the road and stopped traffic, while a wheelchair-bound pedestrian made it to the median. After making sure the citizen was safe, Mourning headed to his SUV to the sound of cheering fans! Way to go Alonzo! 

Alonzo Mourning All-In Story 

All-Out Person of the Weekend:

Also on Friday, it was reported that Ina Garten, the Food Network's "Barefoot Contessa" turned down a request from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. She was contacted about a six-year-old boy suffering from leukemia who wanted to cook with her, and she denied the request. Apparently her reps said something to the effect of her being unable to meet every person who wants to meet her.

A Business Insider story quotes Garten's rep saying,"despite her demanding schedule, [Ina] participates and helps as many organizations as she can throughout the year, helping children and adults like Enzo with life threatening and compromising illnesses."

Sure, she is busy! But, is this really about being busy? Or, is is about being generous, kind, and humble?

Don't worry about the little boy. He's decided to swim with dolphins and is already taking the necessary lessons to make that wish come true. 

Barefoot Contessa Shuns Make-A-Wish

Reader Query...

What do you think about the Barefoot Contessa turning down the wish? 

Understandable--she's busy! Or, Rude--get over yourself!

Secret Millionaire: Something doesn't feel right

Three nights ago, ABC aired the first episode of its new series Secret Millionaire. In this episode, Dani Johnson went undercover as a volunteer in non-profits she happened to come across while in Knoxville TN. At the end of the episode, she returned to each of the three and gave them donations. Everyone cried, including me.

While it seems like Ms. Johnson's heart was in the right place (she came across as a very sincere, caring person), the premise of the show is nagging at me three days later.

Founders of The Love Kitchen

One of the nagging questions is "Who should be the real stars of the show?" Ms. Johnson was clearly the star, but should it have been Ellen and Helen, pictured at right, the sisters who founded The Love Kitchen? Are people more interested in those actually doing the work or those who write the checks? How would a show about Helen and Ellen fare on television today? Not well, I'm afraid, and that nags at me.

A second nagging question is "Why did the millionaire have to be a secret?" Was there concern at ABC about the nonprofits behaving differently if they had known it was really like a game show? Why did it have to be a set-up? For some reason, that felt deceitful. When Ms. Johnson arrived at the locations to dole out checks, it felt like she was riding in on a horse to save the day--as if writing a check was more important than everything else those doing the work had been doing. Even Ms. Johnson seemed uncomfortable telling those she met that she really wasn't one of them, that she had "boot-strapped it, baby!" and made something of herself. It was awkward and seemed unnecessary.

Speaking of "boot-strapping, baby", the implication was that it would only take two years of hard work to become a millionaire is the third nagging issue.

Ms. Johnson said on the show that she was homeless at 21 and a millionaire at 23. She said she became a millionaire by "boot-strapping it, baby." A quick Google search reveals a little more to her story, including that the money was made from 90% cold calling in an MLM company, then selling books and tapes about how to make cold calls. There was no mention on the show about how the millions were made, other than when Ms. Johnson said she "boot-strapped it, baby."

The implication that she worked harder than those who received the donations is nagging three days later. If those folks receiving meals from The Love Kitchen, or those poor folks who run it, would just "boot-strap it, baby," they could turn their lives around. It was crystal clear that Helen and Ellen were boot-strappers and had made something of themselves, even if they were not millionaires. The positioning, by ABC more so than by Ms. Johnson, of the secret millionaire being more important, or more valuable, than those running the nonprofits does not feel right.

I cried a lot during the show. I cried when the secret millionaire went to each nonprofit and met the people who were giving and those receiving. I cried at the end when checks were given. I cried when she hugged the sisters at the kitchen, the little girl who's room was redecorated, and the students at the music school. So three days later, it is annoying that something about the show doesn't feel right.

So what?

Why does this matter to a corporate leader, small business owner, or professional? It matters because the show had high ratings and is likely viewed by corporate leaders, small business owners, and professionals. The premise may seem off to me, but if you are going to watch the show going forward, you might want to consider the following:

1. Who are your role models? What have they done to earn your emulation?
2. How do you inspire others to want to model you?
3. Actions show priorities. Do your actions match your words?

What do you think about the show's premise? What am I missing?

More info about the show and the nonprofits

Do you have anything in common with Charlie Sheen?

Who is this?

• He is talking a lot about his awesomeness this week.
• He thinks he cured a long-standing issue with just his brain and his alone.
• He proclaims himself to be too complicated for anyone to understand.

If you guessed Charlie Sheen, you'd be right. If you guessed the ego-maniacal leader in your office, you'd be right too.

While Charlie Sheen is a celebrity constantly in the news lately, others have similar self delusions. You've heard people at work take credit for someone else's work? You've had executives, or dates perhaps, who think they are so complex they are hard to figure out. You've had coworkers who want to rush through solutions without research, trials, or input from others.

Charlie Sheen thinks he is bigger than life, that everyone wants to be him, and that he is more special than everyone else. But he is not alone. He's just on morning shows talking about it. His self-hype may be caused by long-term addictions, but there could be other causes as well--for him and for the manager at your workplace.

Delusions of grandeur could be caused by never being told "no," by being surrounded by people who reinforce the perception, or by being sheltered from the bigger world out there. There could be many causes of it. The point here is that the actor is in the spotlight about it, while others have similar views of themselves privately. Some people are making fun of the actor, others feel sorry for him. We all could use a self-check to ensure we are not as blinded as he appears to be.

So, how do you know if you've got the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion? Here are 11 ways to tell if you are deluding yourself, a la Charlie Sheen:

1. If your conversations, blogs, tweets, and posts are about you 90% of the time, you may be infected.
2. If people withdraw from being around you, you may be infected.
3. If no one lists you as one of their top 365,947 role models, even in your field of expertise or family, you may be infected.
4. If you actually say things like, "No one understands me," you might be infected. (No one is that complicated; get over yourself.)
5. If people respond to you with statements like, "Really? You think that?" you may be infected.
6. If you are excluded from meetings, lunches, and gatherings with people you think are less than you, you may be infected.
7. If web sites and blogs (or coworkers at the water cooler) talk about your delusions of grandeur, you may be infected.
8. If your friends during a time of crisis are un-respected egomaniacs, you may be infected.
9. If your behavior has made you the joke of the office and people want to be around the same way they want to watch a car wreck, you may be infected.
10. If you are unable to rally support for your ideas, causes, or jobs, you may be infected.
11. If you think you are more newsworthy than US military fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq, you may be infected.

If you find yourself infected with the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion, the best solution is to look yourself in the mirror...ah, never mind, you'd just get stuck there.

If you find yourself infected, you'd probably deny it anyway; however, that doesn't mean it is not true. You might not see it yourself, but those around you see it and eventually will disengage completely, lose respect, and cut ties. Perhaps that look in the mirror would be worth your time after all, just in case.

(Any other questions to ponder to discover if you have the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion? Share in the comments section.)

Be careful what you wish for

I did not see the Golden Globes telecast Sunday, but I knew Ricky Gervais was the host. I did not know who most of the nominees were, had not seen most of the nominated movies, and still do not know who won. But, I knew in advance Ricky Gervais would be the host, and I knew he'd tip-toe on the line between clever and acerbic. 

If someone as out of touch with the event as me could anticipate how Gervais would perform, wouldn't the organizers of the event do so as well?

The organizers did know what to expect with Gervais as host, especially since he hosted the same event last year.

They invited him and wanted him to walk that fine line, and he did. Be careful what you wish for.

Gervais got a little too far over the line and was too mean-spirited, according to reviews of the event. Now, some of the superstars who were offended by Gervais's jabs are not pleased, which means they could avoid the event in the future. (Remember a few years ago when big stars did not attend awards shows? They were even more boring than they are now!)

Once you get what you asked for, you can't backtrack. You have to face the consequences.

The Golden Globes are just one example.


What about when the project you bid on comes through and you need to form a bigger team, work late for days on end, and invest big bucks before being reimbursed--be careful what you wish for. Don't complain about the bigger team, longer hours, or investment because you wished for all of that when you wished for the project.

What about when you are arguing with someone close to you and know you are right, so you keep arguing until the other person shuts down--be careful what you wish for. Don't be surprised when the other person shuts down or tunes you out for the rest of the day because you wished for all of that by wishing to win the argument.

Be careful what you wish for, and while you're wishing, think it through to be sure you're wishing for the right things. There's no backtracking later, so make wise wishes.

2011 brought to you by the letter "R"

Each Sesame Street show is famously brought to you by one of the letters of the alphabet. Along the same line, this new year is brought to you by a letter too: the letter R. This one year is a segment of our lives after all.

Kick off the new year by committing to these R words for the year:

Reflect
Resolve
Risk
Reward

Reflect daily about the good things in your life, your contributions to the world that day, who you made smile,what you are thankful for. It seems people tend to get absorbed in the negative too often--who makes us mad, who is annoying, what we don't have. Focus a little bit of time at the end of each day reflecting on the good things in your life. (This is like the Mirror Test in Put Your Whole Self In!)

Resolve to do better. Resolve to be the person you really see yourself as. Have you ever noticed people often say, "That's not who I am!" after they make a mistake or do something they are not proud of? For example, a student last semester told me he blew off studying for his final and was disappointed in himself. He said, "I am a hard worker. Blowing off finals is not who I am." In very kind terms, I told him it is who he is right now. He may not like it, he may want to be someone else, but he has to face the consequences of being who he is right now. And, he can do better next time. Resolve to be who you want to be, rather than who you used to be or who you wish you were.

Risk more often. Wisely, of course. Let this be the year you refrain from second-guessing yourself. Take chances when pursuing new business, reaching for a new career goal, building professional and personal relationships. Put yourself out there just a little bit more and see what happens. You might be surprised by the results that come from stretching yourself.

Reward yourself for your accomplishments. Rather than wait for someone else to acknowledge something good you've done, reward yourself. Management may not know what you did, clients might not realize the burden their last-minute changes had on you, friends and family might not see the behind-the-scenes effort that went in to the event you hosted. Don't expect others to reward you: reward yourself. Reducing the expectations of others in this regard will reduce the pressure on the relationships and might reduce your stress level too.

If you ponder the letter R throughout the year, and you reflect, resolve, risk, and reward yourself, your year will be tRemendous!

Reader Question:
What R words would you add to the list?

The most UN-selfish move an athlete could make

If you haven't heard of him yet, you will.

You'll be hearing a lot about Keith Fitzhugh this week because he just made a decision everyone says they would make, but few actually do. He just made what his agent called "the most unselfish thing I've heard by a player in sports." At a time when most news stories are about athletes getting arrested, pouting on the sidelines, or living large, this twenty-four-year-old is in the news for being remarkable.

Keith Fitzhugh turned down an offer to join the New York Jets to remain a conductor with Norfolk Southern Railroad.

Why oh why would someone do that?!

Keith did it because he gets a steady paycheck every two weeks, and that paycheck helps take care of his parents. His father is disabled, and his mother works hard to make ends meet. Keith helps support them, and a steady paycheck is important. If he signed with the Jets now, he could be released in a few weeks, left without a paycheck at all. He's already been through that--twice.

He said, in an article linked from ESPN, that he wants to do what is best for his family in the long-term.

He gave up the chance to join a potential Super Bowl team for the more steady paycheck which supports his family.

Would other twenty-somethings make the same choice? In fact, would thirty- or forty-somethings?

People say they put their family first, but when it comes right down to it, actions speak louder than words. People say their family comes first, yet they don't visit their aging parents for weeks at a time. They say their children come first, yet they text or talk on the phone while little Susie plays soccer. They say their family is their priority, yet they disparage their spouse to anyone who will listen.

People say their family is important, yet they extend meetings past business hours, travel for work unnecessarily, and waste time at work on weekends. Sure, meetings go past 5:00pm, business trips are important, and weekend work is required sometimes. However, sometimes meetings and weekend work are caused by lack of efficiency more so than need, and business trips are sometimes taken to boost one's ego rather than out of necessity.

Keith Fitzhugh's actions show his truth. His actions show his family really is the most important thing in his life. When your actions are consistent with your words, especially when faced with a difficult decision, you can't get more All-In than that.

(Link to ESPN article and video)