Watch out for happiness pushers

Watch out! They are lurking on every corner: they are happiness pushers. You probably know some, but here are a few signs just in case you need help recognizing them:

• They post "high on life" quotations on Facebook and Twitter every day...several times a day.
• They quote success gurus, even in live conversations, as if they are dear friends.
• They tell you to look on the bright side, no matter what the situation is as if how you look solves everything.
• They say they know how you feel, then they one-up whatever your situation is.
• They are less than successful in their business, relationships, life in general. You can tell this by what they complain about and how they respond to changes in their lives.

So, what's the problem with these people? Isn't it great to see only the bright side of life every day? What's wrong with "don't worry, be happy" as a life motto?

The problem is denial.

The fact is: life is not all sunshine, rainbows, and bunnies every minute every day. When people deny that, they don't really experience everything of life and they deny themselves something great.

When you don't face life's challenges head-on, but rather sweep them aside with a smile, you deny yourself a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Greatness is built by handling adversity, not by pretending it isn't there. Challenges are life's way of revealing who you really are, so if you put on a brave face and fake happiness, you miss out on that revelation.

We do not have to be happy every minute of every day. People who push happiness as if it is a character flaw when you don't feel happy are phony, oblivious, or dumb.

It is okay to be upset, to worry, to be afraid. Admit how you feel and handle the issue. You will feel much better once the challenge is resolved than if you just pretended to be happy that whole time.

Give yourself the opportunity to overcome obstacles by not being happy every minute. When it comes to happiness pushers, just say, "No".

Another reputation ruined by stupidity

Yesterday, Montana’s chief federal judge, Richard Cebull, admitted forwarding a racist email to six "old buddies" about President Obama. He sent the email from his court account, not from home or even a personal account.

The email included several racist jokes along with the judge's personal message to his buddies. “Normally I don’t send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine,” Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull wrote before forwarding the email. (SOURCE: Los Angeles Times)

The judge admits the jokes are racists but claims he sent them not as a racist but because he dislikes Obama.

Politics aside...racism aside...just how stupid is that judge to think it is prudent to send an email like that? Just how stupid is he to attach his name to that kind of email, especially since he admitted knowing it could offend people. Sure, he never intended the email to become public, but that's the point: you should ALWAYS assume emails could become public.

Email has been around for 20 years! Warnings about emails being forwarded to recipients beyond those you intend have been around 20 years! How many more reputations will be ruined by the stupid assumption that no one else will see one?

Being stupid enough to assume emails are private is one thing, but perhaps it just reveals the real issue: poor character.

My question for you to ponder: if a top judge is stupid enough to assume emails are private, are you? Or, are the top leaders of your company? Judge Cebull's stupidity serves as a good reminder to us all, which might prevent another reputation from being ruined by stupidity.

(Information for this post was taken from the Los Angeles Times article, Montana judge admits sending racist email about Obama, posted by Kim Murphy February 29, 2012, 9:06 p.m.)

Talent > Flash at the Grammys and in Workplaces

Talent is more important than flash. That was one of the messages delivered loud and clear at this year's Grammy Awards.

It was delivered by six-time winner Adele, who wore a simple black dress as she accepted three awards in which Lady Gaga was a competitor. Lady Gaga wore a dominatrix costume and carried a scepter.  Adele was queen of the night and wore a simple black dress. Talent won over flash.

A second example was Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl, who said the following when speaking on behalf of the band who won for Best Rock Album:  “For me this award means a lot because it shows that the human element of making rock is the most important. Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument and learning your craft is the most important thing for people to do...It’s not about what goes on in a computer. It’s about what goes on in (your heart) and what goes on in (your head.)” It is not about a computer altering your voice so it sounds perfect, it is about having enough talent without the voice needing alterations. Talent wins over computer-generated perfection.

A third example is the singer who wore a red devilish cape while walking the red carpet with a fake "pope". Putting aside how offensive that is to Catholics, the fact is, she was a joke. No one talked about her the next day as cutting-edge or a great artist. The same person performed, and her performance was considered droll. Obviously, she set out to be the most flamboyant person at the Grammys and to steal the show. But, no one was talking about her the next day. In fact, no one will be talking about her in a year or two, unless she becomes a criminal of some kind. The next day, that singer was a barely mentioned joke, while Adele was celebrated for her voice. Adele's performance won rave reviews.

Talent wins again.

In the workplace, it can be tempting to put on airs, but, remember, talent is more important. Walk is more important than talk in workplaces today.

You can carry a proverbial scepter around the office and act like you are more important than everyone else, but  if you have real talent, you won't need to. You won't need to put others down, copy someone else's act, or ride someone else's coattails. Work hard, work smart, and work well with others, and your talent will enable you to rise above the flashier people who simply talk about work. Talent wins over flash in the long run. As you build your reputation, keep Adele in mind. She didn't carry a scepter, attempt to offend millions of people, or fake her way to the top. When you are truly talented, you won't need to either.

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UPDATE 2/15/12

The singer described in the third example above was on one of the morning shows today. She was on the show to promote a charitable campaign of some kind (I didn't get the name of it), and she was friendly, well-spoken, and informed about the issue. She also was very sweet to a young singer who was on the show after her segment. She made me wish she had not made a joke of herself at the Grammys because she has a perspective worth sharing but ruined her chances (with some people, not all) by making her talent secondary.

Now, this question: when people resort to flash over talent (fluff over stuff), is that a form of self-sabotage? What do you think?

Paterno's greatest lesson

Penn State's head football coach Joe Paterno died today. He died just two months since the revelation that he did not prevent a child molester, one of his assistant coaches, from abusing young boys on the part of the campus he was responsible for the last 45+ years.

Paterno was fired in disgrace after reports came out about him ignoring witness reports of sexually abusive behavior taking place in the football team's locker room. Paterno himself admitted to not doing enough to prevent further abuse. The university fired him and severed all media and marketing ties with him. Some are saying he died of a broken heart after being so humiliated by the disgrace of his firing from his beloved university.

Since the child molestation crimes of Penn State's former assistant coach and Paterno's knowledge and acceptance of the molestation have become public knowledge, millions of people are angry at Paterno, but he still has some supporters. There are some people who have said today that "we should let the man rest in peace." Others have said they "will show Paterno the kind of peace he showed the children victimized on his watch: none!"

Within the Penn State family, Paterno was treated as a saint and revered as a man of remarkable character. Outside of Penn State, however, stories about his poor character, rudely offensive behavior, and lack of discipline among his teams are common, if not well known. Paterno's reputation within Penn State and outside of it have always been very different. The difference is even more evident since his lack of action to prevent child molestation became public.

In November, just after the assistant coach was arrested, I blogged about Paterno and others being true to who they are. (blog post) I wrote: Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well. You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Now that Paterno has died, I wonder if he ever saw himself for who he really was.

I wonder what went through Paterno's mind during the last few hours of consciousness of his life. I wonder if he prayed and sought forgiveness for allowing the abuse to continue for so many years. I wonder if he hoped his legacy would be the good things he did during his life instead of the revelations of the last two months. I wonder if he was mad at Penn State for severing ties, thinking he didn't deserve it. I wonder if he was at peace with the legacy he leaves behind.

The lesson we can all take from Paterno's death and the recent months is that we should live so the answer about our legacy is clear. And, is desirable.

Whether we're thinking about the legacy of our lives or our departures from our jobs, volunteer leadership positions, or social events, we should live deliberately so there is no doubt about our legacy.

What do you want people to say about you after you leave your current company? Or, department, neighborhood, school, client, networking group, association chapter, or church? If you do not want people cheering your departure, choose your actions accordingly. If you do want people to miss you, remember you fondly, and appreciate your work, choose your actions accordingly.

So, whether you are on a big stage like Paterno was, people in your life will remember you one way or another.

You decide.

Success: do you really want it?

Everyone says they want to be successful, but few do the work required to achieve success. Everyone wants to be at the top of their field, but few do the work required to get there. Everyone wants to be extraordinary, but few do the little extra to go from ordinary to extraordinary.

I refuse to believe we are here to be ordinary. There is more in store for those who do the work, pay attention, and give more. If success came easy, everyone would have it. It takes hard work, perseverance, knowledge. It also takes less sleep, as mentioned in the video below. Clearly, few high school athletes prepare and practice like the young man in the video. On a business level, few managers do the equivalent in their fields. But, you can.

If you really want success, if you are All-In, success is there for the taking. Go get it.

 

All-In Person of the Weekend: 

Alonzo Mourning, former NBA star for the Miami Heat stopped busy Miami traffic Friday (March 25, 2011). He jumped out of his SUV, stood in the road and stopped traffic, while a wheelchair-bound pedestrian made it to the median. After making sure the citizen was safe, Mourning headed to his SUV to the sound of cheering fans! Way to go Alonzo! 

Alonzo Mourning All-In Story 

All-Out Person of the Weekend:

Also on Friday, it was reported that Ina Garten, the Food Network's "Barefoot Contessa" turned down a request from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. She was contacted about a six-year-old boy suffering from leukemia who wanted to cook with her, and she denied the request. Apparently her reps said something to the effect of her being unable to meet every person who wants to meet her.

A Business Insider story quotes Garten's rep saying,"despite her demanding schedule, [Ina] participates and helps as many organizations as she can throughout the year, helping children and adults like Enzo with life threatening and compromising illnesses."

Sure, she is busy! But, is this really about being busy? Or, is is about being generous, kind, and humble?

Don't worry about the little boy. He's decided to swim with dolphins and is already taking the necessary lessons to make that wish come true. 

Barefoot Contessa Shuns Make-A-Wish

Reader Query...

What do you think about the Barefoot Contessa turning down the wish? 

Understandable--she's busy! Or, Rude--get over yourself!

Do you have anything in common with Charlie Sheen?

Who is this?

• He is talking a lot about his awesomeness this week.
• He thinks he cured a long-standing issue with just his brain and his alone.
• He proclaims himself to be too complicated for anyone to understand.

If you guessed Charlie Sheen, you'd be right. If you guessed the ego-maniacal leader in your office, you'd be right too.

While Charlie Sheen is a celebrity constantly in the news lately, others have similar self delusions. You've heard people at work take credit for someone else's work? You've had executives, or dates perhaps, who think they are so complex they are hard to figure out. You've had coworkers who want to rush through solutions without research, trials, or input from others.

Charlie Sheen thinks he is bigger than life, that everyone wants to be him, and that he is more special than everyone else. But he is not alone. He's just on morning shows talking about it. His self-hype may be caused by long-term addictions, but there could be other causes as well--for him and for the manager at your workplace.

Delusions of grandeur could be caused by never being told "no," by being surrounded by people who reinforce the perception, or by being sheltered from the bigger world out there. There could be many causes of it. The point here is that the actor is in the spotlight about it, while others have similar views of themselves privately. Some people are making fun of the actor, others feel sorry for him. We all could use a self-check to ensure we are not as blinded as he appears to be.

So, how do you know if you've got the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion? Here are 11 ways to tell if you are deluding yourself, a la Charlie Sheen:

1. If your conversations, blogs, tweets, and posts are about you 90% of the time, you may be infected.
2. If people withdraw from being around you, you may be infected.
3. If no one lists you as one of their top 365,947 role models, even in your field of expertise or family, you may be infected.
4. If you actually say things like, "No one understands me," you might be infected. (No one is that complicated; get over yourself.)
5. If people respond to you with statements like, "Really? You think that?" you may be infected.
6. If you are excluded from meetings, lunches, and gatherings with people you think are less than you, you may be infected.
7. If web sites and blogs (or coworkers at the water cooler) talk about your delusions of grandeur, you may be infected.
8. If your friends during a time of crisis are un-respected egomaniacs, you may be infected.
9. If your behavior has made you the joke of the office and people want to be around the same way they want to watch a car wreck, you may be infected.
10. If you are unable to rally support for your ideas, causes, or jobs, you may be infected.
11. If you think you are more newsworthy than US military fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq, you may be infected.

If you find yourself infected with the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion, the best solution is to look yourself in the mirror...ah, never mind, you'd just get stuck there.

If you find yourself infected, you'd probably deny it anyway; however, that doesn't mean it is not true. You might not see it yourself, but those around you see it and eventually will disengage completely, lose respect, and cut ties. Perhaps that look in the mirror would be worth your time after all, just in case.

(Any other questions to ponder to discover if you have the Charlie Sheen disease of self-delusion? Share in the comments section.)

Wow! That Takes Guts!

When a teacher gets revenge against a bunch of practical-joke-playing students, he deserves the Wow! That Takes Guts Award!

High school teacher Mr. Joel Branstrom got the best revenge when students played a practical joke on him Friday--and it backfired.

Students told the Olathe Northwest science teacher and basketball coach he would win tickets to the NCAA Final Four game if he made a basket from half-court while blindfolded. What they didn't tell their teacher was the whole school was ready to cheer as if he made the shot, which would be impossible to make. Their cheers would lead him to believe he made the shot, only to find out it was all a joke played on their beloved teacher.

But, the joke was on the students instead!

Mr. Branstrom made the half-court shot blindfolded! Check out the video!





Mr. Branstrom's humility and love of basketball have earned him offers of tickets to the Final Four, which would be a terrific outcome for the teacher who was set up for a joke.

While making the impossible shot was stunning, Mr. Branstrom really gets the Wow! award for his humility during interviews after the event. He spoke of more important things going on in the world, while saying it's nice to have something to smile about. He did not jump around, point to himself, seek extra attention--like touchdown-scoring professional football players often do. He has been humble while enjoying his moment in the spotlight.

For turning a joke around on the students but especially for being fun, appreciative, and humble, Mr. Branstrom is this week's Wow! That Takes Guts! winner.