Watch out for happiness pushers

Watch out! They are lurking on every corner: they are happiness pushers. You probably know some, but here are a few signs just in case you need help recognizing them:

• They post "high on life" quotations on Facebook and Twitter every day...several times a day.
• They quote success gurus, even in live conversations, as if they are dear friends.
• They tell you to look on the bright side, no matter what the situation is as if how you look solves everything.
• They say they know how you feel, then they one-up whatever your situation is.
• They are less than successful in their business, relationships, life in general. You can tell this by what they complain about and how they respond to changes in their lives.

So, what's the problem with these people? Isn't it great to see only the bright side of life every day? What's wrong with "don't worry, be happy" as a life motto?

The problem is denial.

The fact is: life is not all sunshine, rainbows, and bunnies every minute every day. When people deny that, they don't really experience everything of life and they deny themselves something great.

When you don't face life's challenges head-on, but rather sweep them aside with a smile, you deny yourself a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Greatness is built by handling adversity, not by pretending it isn't there. Challenges are life's way of revealing who you really are, so if you put on a brave face and fake happiness, you miss out on that revelation.

We do not have to be happy every minute of every day. People who push happiness as if it is a character flaw when you don't feel happy are phony, oblivious, or dumb.

It is okay to be upset, to worry, to be afraid. Admit how you feel and handle the issue. You will feel much better once the challenge is resolved than if you just pretended to be happy that whole time.

Give yourself the opportunity to overcome obstacles by not being happy every minute. When it comes to happiness pushers, just say, "No".

Proof that good things happen to good people

Marine Cpl. Alexander Degenhardt attributes his luck to karma. 

Five years ago Marine Cpl. Alexander Degenhardt registered to be a bone marrow donation, and he was identified as a match just prior to going to Las Vegas last week. While he was in Vegas for the first time, Cpl. Degenhardt hit a $2.8 million jackpot at the Belagio.

When asked what he will do now, Cpl. Degenhardt said he will stay in the military, live off his paycheck, and invest the jackpot winnings. He also said he will donate the bone marrow, as planned. Karma, indeed.

Talent > Flash at the Grammys and in Workplaces

Talent is more important than flash. That was one of the messages delivered loud and clear at this year's Grammy Awards.

It was delivered by six-time winner Adele, who wore a simple black dress as she accepted three awards in which Lady Gaga was a competitor. Lady Gaga wore a dominatrix costume and carried a scepter.  Adele was queen of the night and wore a simple black dress. Talent won over flash.

A second example was Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl, who said the following when speaking on behalf of the band who won for Best Rock Album:  “For me this award means a lot because it shows that the human element of making rock is the most important. Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument and learning your craft is the most important thing for people to do...It’s not about what goes on in a computer. It’s about what goes on in (your heart) and what goes on in (your head.)” It is not about a computer altering your voice so it sounds perfect, it is about having enough talent without the voice needing alterations. Talent wins over computer-generated perfection.

A third example is the singer who wore a red devilish cape while walking the red carpet with a fake "pope". Putting aside how offensive that is to Catholics, the fact is, she was a joke. No one talked about her the next day as cutting-edge or a great artist. The same person performed, and her performance was considered droll. Obviously, she set out to be the most flamboyant person at the Grammys and to steal the show. But, no one was talking about her the next day. In fact, no one will be talking about her in a year or two, unless she becomes a criminal of some kind. The next day, that singer was a barely mentioned joke, while Adele was celebrated for her voice. Adele's performance won rave reviews.

Talent wins again.

In the workplace, it can be tempting to put on airs, but, remember, talent is more important. Walk is more important than talk in workplaces today.

You can carry a proverbial scepter around the office and act like you are more important than everyone else, but  if you have real talent, you won't need to. You won't need to put others down, copy someone else's act, or ride someone else's coattails. Work hard, work smart, and work well with others, and your talent will enable you to rise above the flashier people who simply talk about work. Talent wins over flash in the long run. As you build your reputation, keep Adele in mind. She didn't carry a scepter, attempt to offend millions of people, or fake her way to the top. When you are truly talented, you won't need to either.

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UPDATE 2/15/12

The singer described in the third example above was on one of the morning shows today. She was on the show to promote a charitable campaign of some kind (I didn't get the name of it), and she was friendly, well-spoken, and informed about the issue. She also was very sweet to a young singer who was on the show after her segment. She made me wish she had not made a joke of herself at the Grammys because she has a perspective worth sharing but ruined her chances (with some people, not all) by making her talent secondary.

Now, this question: when people resort to flash over talent (fluff over stuff), is that a form of self-sabotage? What do you think?

Paterno's greatest lesson

Penn State's head football coach Joe Paterno died today. He died just two months since the revelation that he did not prevent a child molester, one of his assistant coaches, from abusing young boys on the part of the campus he was responsible for the last 45+ years.

Paterno was fired in disgrace after reports came out about him ignoring witness reports of sexually abusive behavior taking place in the football team's locker room. Paterno himself admitted to not doing enough to prevent further abuse. The university fired him and severed all media and marketing ties with him. Some are saying he died of a broken heart after being so humiliated by the disgrace of his firing from his beloved university.

Since the child molestation crimes of Penn State's former assistant coach and Paterno's knowledge and acceptance of the molestation have become public knowledge, millions of people are angry at Paterno, but he still has some supporters. There are some people who have said today that "we should let the man rest in peace." Others have said they "will show Paterno the kind of peace he showed the children victimized on his watch: none!"

Within the Penn State family, Paterno was treated as a saint and revered as a man of remarkable character. Outside of Penn State, however, stories about his poor character, rudely offensive behavior, and lack of discipline among his teams are common, if not well known. Paterno's reputation within Penn State and outside of it have always been very different. The difference is even more evident since his lack of action to prevent child molestation became public.

In November, just after the assistant coach was arrested, I blogged about Paterno and others being true to who they are. (blog post) I wrote: Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well. You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Now that Paterno has died, I wonder if he ever saw himself for who he really was.

I wonder what went through Paterno's mind during the last few hours of consciousness of his life. I wonder if he prayed and sought forgiveness for allowing the abuse to continue for so many years. I wonder if he hoped his legacy would be the good things he did during his life instead of the revelations of the last two months. I wonder if he was mad at Penn State for severing ties, thinking he didn't deserve it. I wonder if he was at peace with the legacy he leaves behind.

The lesson we can all take from Paterno's death and the recent months is that we should live so the answer about our legacy is clear. And, is desirable.

Whether we're thinking about the legacy of our lives or our departures from our jobs, volunteer leadership positions, or social events, we should live deliberately so there is no doubt about our legacy.

What do you want people to say about you after you leave your current company? Or, department, neighborhood, school, client, networking group, association chapter, or church? If you do not want people cheering your departure, choose your actions accordingly. If you do want people to miss you, remember you fondly, and appreciate your work, choose your actions accordingly.

So, whether you are on a big stage like Paterno was, people in your life will remember you one way or another.

You decide.

Success: do you really want it?

Everyone says they want to be successful, but few do the work required to achieve success. Everyone wants to be at the top of their field, but few do the work required to get there. Everyone wants to be extraordinary, but few do the little extra to go from ordinary to extraordinary.

I refuse to believe we are here to be ordinary. There is more in store for those who do the work, pay attention, and give more. If success came easy, everyone would have it. It takes hard work, perseverance, knowledge. It also takes less sleep, as mentioned in the video below. Clearly, few high school athletes prepare and practice like the young man in the video. On a business level, few managers do the equivalent in their fields. But, you can.

If you really want success, if you are All-In, success is there for the taking. Go get it.

 

3 lessons old people teach us about fun

All-In strategy number five, from the book Put Your Whole Self In! Life & Leadership the Hokey Pokey Way, is to Enjoy Now.

I talk in the book and in presentations about not putting off joy until something happens--like the mortgage is paid off, a new coworker arrives, the lazy boss is ousted, the kids go off to college. Seek something to honor, appreciate, and celebrate every day. Seek to laugh every day and to make someone else laugh daily too.

Here's a video that made me laugh this week:

Three things can we all learn from that clip:

1. Don't wait for joy to find you today. Create it for yourself and those around you.
2. Be prepared for fun at any time. Have the right tools--like an extra steering wheel.
3. The event may be brief, but the laugh can last a long time.

One more lesson: as funny as this was, it's from a movie. Don't create your own joy at others' expense; for example, causing accidents while driving. There's enough jokers on the road these days.

Have a terrific Friday and weekend being All-In!

Too legit to quit

An entrepreneur named Stanley Burrell announced  the launch of a new search engine at last week's Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco. Yawn...

Don't get too bored...

Burrell's stage name is MC Hammer. Yes, that MC Hammer. You remember him because he's too legit, too legit to quit. Hammer was one of the biggest rap stars of all time, selling more than 50 million records in his heyday. He is credited with being one of the innovators of pop-rap because his music appealed to fans of both in a unique way back in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

You also might remember him for his Hammer pants, Hammer time, and personal difficulties in the late 1990s.

He's come a long way since then.

When MC Hammer was in the midst of stardom and sang about being "too legit to quit," I thought he was focused on being "too legit." He admitted as much in interviews years after spending his $20 million fortune, losing his house, filing bankruptcy, and settling copyright infringement lawsuits. He has spoken in interviews on Oprah and VH1 and elsewhere about out-of-order priorities causing his downfall.

What stands out to me now is not the "too legit" part, it's the "to quit" part. It turns out the kid dancing to a boombox outside Oakland A's ballpark really was not going to quit.

Burrell has many business holdings including a record label, artist management company, MMA management company, horse racing stable, and clothing line (that does not sell Hammer pants, by the way). He also is an established internet mogul involved with several dance sites.

This guy came from living in a tiny house with eight siblings, dancing outside the A's stadium and made it to the height of super-stardom, then lost the superstar staus and financial security, then became a successful business mogul with diverse business interests. He's living life All In!

After all of the highs and lows, Stanley Burrell really is too legit to quit. I suspect his latest high-tech venture will be successful too. Or, at least if it's not, he will be just fine. MC Hammer: too legit to quit. Stanley Burrell: U can't touch this.

Question for Readers:

Who would have thought we could learn something from Hammer Time, but we can. Knock me over with a feather. My question for you: are you too legit to quit too?

Link to article on www.CNN.com

Leadership lesson learned from silver dollars

My paternal grandparents lived in Connecticut, and we lived a thousand miles away in Missouri. We would get together in the summers on family vacations and when the Yankees came to KC to play the Royals.

The last silver dollar from my grandfather on my desk today

Every time I would see my grandfather, just a few times a year, he would put a silver dollar in the palm of my hand and give me a wink. He made me feel like the most special person in the world, and I saved many of those coins. The last one he gave me prior to his death stays on my desk as a reminder to emulate him and how he interacted with people.

For years, my grandfather walked every day at the local mall. He knew everyone there and loved seeing the same people every day. The evening of his wake in 1997, cars lined the streets and police directed traffic for the hundreds of people who wanted to pay their respects at the funeral home. People waited in a line that twisted around the room and out in to a lobby area. The line was full of neighbors, friends, and lifelong friends of his five sons. The line also was full of people wearing a variety of uniforms required of workers at the mall. So many people who knew my grandfather only from his walks at the mall made the time to come to his wake.

I was so enthralled with all of those people, I introduced myself to as many as I could so they could tell me their stories. Each told stories about how my grandfather would stop for a brief greeting or just wave if they were busy, but he acknowledged them every day. He made them feel special every day. And, it turns out, he gave them silver dollars.

My whole life, I thought I was the only recipient of the silver dollars. As a child, I learned he gave them to my brothers and cousins too, but I thought that was it. He made us feel so special when he gave us those coins.It turns out, he was doing the same all over town! He gave them to the workers at the mall, at restaurants he frequented, auto repair shops, gas stations--everywhere!

It surprised and thrilled me to learn about his friendships with so many people none of us knew and to learn that he made them feel special. I bet many of them have the last silver dollar he gave them in a special place and remember him fondly, just as I do.

So, what's the leadership lesson here?

There are many lessons to be learned from my grandfather, but the main reason I keep the final silver dollar handy is the reminder to pay attention to others. Whether you are the leader of a company, department, home, church committee, or neighborhood, you are a leader because others follow you. The more special you make them, the more loyalty they will have for you. And, small gestures like a wink, smile, daily greeting can be all you need. My grandfather could have handed out pennies and people would have loved him. The way he made people feel is why they waited in traffic and in line to honor him. It was not about the money. It was about how valuable he made people feel because he genuinely saw them as valuable.

As a leader, if you feel sorry for people who look up to you, they can tell.

For example, if you run a call center but feel sorry for the employees answering the phone, they can tell you do not value them or their positions. Perhaps you think a 45-year old woman working in a call center has not had much of a career and will never make more than $50,000, so you feel sorry for her. You don't have to say anything for your demeanor to reflect your feelings about her. What you're missing is that she is a service-minded person who is thrilled to get paid $35,000 to help people. You might feel sorry that recent college graduates can't find better jobs than the entry level ones available in the call center. But, they might be thrilled to have day jobs while they work on their music careers at night. Your attitude toward entry level jobs is reflected, even if it is not stated.

The lesson from my grandfather would be not to judge people for holding those jobs, but to genuinely care about them. They are no worse than you, just as someone who makes twice your salary is no better than you. Don't judge them either. Don't be too busy or pre-occupied to be kind. Just be happy to see people and treat them as such.

So, the leadership lesson is to treat people as if they matter because you really think they do. It might be the Golden Rule, but it's embedded in my head and heart by silver dollars.

What additional leadership lessons do you see in this story about my grandfather?

Kansas City man named to Time magazine Most Influential list

Congratulations to Kansas City's own Gary White for being named one of Time magazine's most influential people of 2011!

Gary, and his partner Matt Damon (the Academy-Award-winning writer/actor), co-founded Water.org in 2009. Water.org is a nonprofit organization committed to providing safe drinking water and sanitation to people in developing countries.

“Water and sanitation are the most basic building blocks of human life and dignity. Without them, people will forever struggle to move forward with their lives” said Gary White. Gary has been working to bring water around the world for more than 25 years and has received numerous awards and recognitions for his work over the years.

In 2010, Gary was featured as one of the All-In people in my book Put Your Whole Self In! Life and Leadership the Hokey Pokey Way. Gary and Matt are All-In and Influential.

Links:
Time Magazine 100 Most Influential People
Water.org
Put Your Whole Self In!