Leadership lesson learned from silver dollars

My paternal grandparents lived in Connecticut, and we lived a thousand miles away in Missouri. We would get together in the summers on family vacations and when the Yankees came to KC to play the Royals.

The last silver dollar from my grandfather on my desk today

Every time I would see my grandfather, just a few times a year, he would put a silver dollar in the palm of my hand and give me a wink. He made me feel like the most special person in the world, and I saved many of those coins. The last one he gave me prior to his death stays on my desk as a reminder to emulate him and how he interacted with people.

For years, my grandfather walked every day at the local mall. He knew everyone there and loved seeing the same people every day. The evening of his wake in 1997, cars lined the streets and police directed traffic for the hundreds of people who wanted to pay their respects at the funeral home. People waited in a line that twisted around the room and out in to a lobby area. The line was full of neighbors, friends, and lifelong friends of his five sons. The line also was full of people wearing a variety of uniforms required of workers at the mall. So many people who knew my grandfather only from his walks at the mall made the time to come to his wake.

I was so enthralled with all of those people, I introduced myself to as many as I could so they could tell me their stories. Each told stories about how my grandfather would stop for a brief greeting or just wave if they were busy, but he acknowledged them every day. He made them feel special every day. And, it turns out, he gave them silver dollars.

My whole life, I thought I was the only recipient of the silver dollars. As a child, I learned he gave them to my brothers and cousins too, but I thought that was it. He made us feel so special when he gave us those coins.It turns out, he was doing the same all over town! He gave them to the workers at the mall, at restaurants he frequented, auto repair shops, gas stations--everywhere!

It surprised and thrilled me to learn about his friendships with so many people none of us knew and to learn that he made them feel special. I bet many of them have the last silver dollar he gave them in a special place and remember him fondly, just as I do.

So, what's the leadership lesson here?

There are many lessons to be learned from my grandfather, but the main reason I keep the final silver dollar handy is the reminder to pay attention to others. Whether you are the leader of a company, department, home, church committee, or neighborhood, you are a leader because others follow you. The more special you make them, the more loyalty they will have for you. And, small gestures like a wink, smile, daily greeting can be all you need. My grandfather could have handed out pennies and people would have loved him. The way he made people feel is why they waited in traffic and in line to honor him. It was not about the money. It was about how valuable he made people feel because he genuinely saw them as valuable.

As a leader, if you feel sorry for people who look up to you, they can tell.

For example, if you run a call center but feel sorry for the employees answering the phone, they can tell you do not value them or their positions. Perhaps you think a 45-year old woman working in a call center has not had much of a career and will never make more than $50,000, so you feel sorry for her. You don't have to say anything for your demeanor to reflect your feelings about her. What you're missing is that she is a service-minded person who is thrilled to get paid $35,000 to help people. You might feel sorry that recent college graduates can't find better jobs than the entry level ones available in the call center. But, they might be thrilled to have day jobs while they work on their music careers at night. Your attitude toward entry level jobs is reflected, even if it is not stated.

The lesson from my grandfather would be not to judge people for holding those jobs, but to genuinely care about them. They are no worse than you, just as someone who makes twice your salary is no better than you. Don't judge them either. Don't be too busy or pre-occupied to be kind. Just be happy to see people and treat them as such.

So, the leadership lesson is to treat people as if they matter because you really think they do. It might be the Golden Rule, but it's embedded in my head and heart by silver dollars.

What additional leadership lessons do you see in this story about my grandfather?

Performance & Soccer Trophies

Are you from when the score was kept at games between teams of 8th graders? And, only one person on the team was awarded the Player of the Year?

Or, was high school the first time you saw a score board? Is there a shelf at your mom's house full of trophies given out to everyone on the team?

I worked with someone from the second group recently. While his age was not particularly obvious, his attitude about performance sure was.

I asked the small group of future leaders from different companies if they would win the Employee of the Year award. Much to my surprise, here is how the conversation turned:

Me: Would your performance this year earn you the Employee of the Year award?

Stewie (not his real name): We don't have an Employee of the Year award.

Me: Would your performance earn it if you did?

Stewie: But we don't, so why would I work as if we did?

The urge to remind him to wear his hairnet to work at his future job was resisted.

The rest of the group was just as astounded as I was, so this is not a generalization about an entire generation of workers.

It is a general warning about those who expect trophies just for showing up. If those people are vital to the organization, even when performance is average, identify what recognition works for them and do it. If trophies work, give trophies. If those employees are less essential, know you could have 50 resumes of highly qualified, eager, people on your desk in minutes.

If you're from when trophies were given out just for showing up, think about how that affects your performance today. Think also about it affects your reputation and how you are positioned for your future.

If you're from when trophies were earned, realize expectations are different these days. You might want to stock up on trophies.