Nerds need charm too

When I saw the recent report (posted below) about the start of MIT's 19th annual Charm School, the first thought I had was, "If the A+ kids get charm and social skills, what jobs will be left for the C students?" Typically, the top 1% of the class, the brainiest students, become scientists, researchers, professors, while the middle of the class becomes sales people, team leaders, and customer service associates.

What happens if the smarties acquire the social skills--what happens to the middle students?

I am glad the engineers and other brilliant nerds, as they call themselves in the clip, from MIT get access to basic social and etiquette skills. They need it. But, they don't need it more than B and C students and I hope all universities and corporations are paying attention.

B and C students may possess social skills naturally, but they need to hone business etiquette in order to represent themselves and their companies well internally and externally. My first book, Secrets of Seasoned Professionals, captures basics and beyond because damaging a reputation over offenses that could be avoided is unnecessary. (Book on Amazon)

As MIT figured out when it began its Charm School 19 years ago, how you act is as important as what you know. That's true for nerds and C students alike.

After pondering this for a few days, and catching a few episodes of Big Bang Theory, I've concluded that the nerds an be charming, but there will always be a need for the B and C students--there's only so much charm a person can learn.

Bazinga!

Watch out for happiness pushers

Watch out! They are lurking on every corner: they are happiness pushers. You probably know some, but here are a few signs just in case you need help recognizing them:

• They post "high on life" quotations on Facebook and Twitter every day...several times a day.
• They quote success gurus, even in live conversations, as if they are dear friends.
• They tell you to look on the bright side, no matter what the situation is as if how you look solves everything.
• They say they know how you feel, then they one-up whatever your situation is.
• They are less than successful in their business, relationships, life in general. You can tell this by what they complain about and how they respond to changes in their lives.

So, what's the problem with these people? Isn't it great to see only the bright side of life every day? What's wrong with "don't worry, be happy" as a life motto?

The problem is denial.

The fact is: life is not all sunshine, rainbows, and bunnies every minute every day. When people deny that, they don't really experience everything of life and they deny themselves something great.

When you don't face life's challenges head-on, but rather sweep them aside with a smile, you deny yourself a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Greatness is built by handling adversity, not by pretending it isn't there. Challenges are life's way of revealing who you really are, so if you put on a brave face and fake happiness, you miss out on that revelation.

We do not have to be happy every minute of every day. People who push happiness as if it is a character flaw when you don't feel happy are phony, oblivious, or dumb.

It is okay to be upset, to worry, to be afraid. Admit how you feel and handle the issue. You will feel much better once the challenge is resolved than if you just pretended to be happy that whole time.

Give yourself the opportunity to overcome obstacles by not being happy every minute. When it comes to happiness pushers, just say, "No".

Another reputation ruined by stupidity

Yesterday, Montana’s chief federal judge, Richard Cebull, admitted forwarding a racist email to six "old buddies" about President Obama. He sent the email from his court account, not from home or even a personal account.

The email included several racist jokes along with the judge's personal message to his buddies. “Normally I don’t send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine,” Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull wrote before forwarding the email. (SOURCE: Los Angeles Times)

The judge admits the jokes are racists but claims he sent them not as a racist but because he dislikes Obama.

Politics aside...racism aside...just how stupid is that judge to think it is prudent to send an email like that? Just how stupid is he to attach his name to that kind of email, especially since he admitted knowing it could offend people. Sure, he never intended the email to become public, but that's the point: you should ALWAYS assume emails could become public.

Email has been around for 20 years! Warnings about emails being forwarded to recipients beyond those you intend have been around 20 years! How many more reputations will be ruined by the stupid assumption that no one else will see one?

Being stupid enough to assume emails are private is one thing, but perhaps it just reveals the real issue: poor character.

My question for you to ponder: if a top judge is stupid enough to assume emails are private, are you? Or, are the top leaders of your company? Judge Cebull's stupidity serves as a good reminder to us all, which might prevent another reputation from being ruined by stupidity.

(Information for this post was taken from the Los Angeles Times article, Montana judge admits sending racist email about Obama, posted by Kim Murphy February 29, 2012, 9:06 p.m.)

Proof that good things happen to good people

Marine Cpl. Alexander Degenhardt attributes his luck to karma. 

Five years ago Marine Cpl. Alexander Degenhardt registered to be a bone marrow donation, and he was identified as a match just prior to going to Las Vegas last week. While he was in Vegas for the first time, Cpl. Degenhardt hit a $2.8 million jackpot at the Belagio.

When asked what he will do now, Cpl. Degenhardt said he will stay in the military, live off his paycheck, and invest the jackpot winnings. He also said he will donate the bone marrow, as planned. Karma, indeed.

Value-Added is Over-Rated

At some point, you have to commit to a standard of excellence. Whether it is high or low, if you are a business owner, leader, or developer, you must pick a level. Proclaiming high quality standards when price and execution reveal the opposite confuses customers and will inhibit sales.

Some business owners try to get around the common incongruence by offering basic services with value-added options; however, that's confusing too. It's like those old infomercials when the pitchman would add in all kinds of items just to make a sale. Can't you hear it now? "For $19.95 a set of Ginsu knives!"

Value-added has become trite and meaningless.

It would be better to do what you do, obviously assuming you know your clients well enough to know what they need, and offer options without claiming some have more value than others. If the base package meets a basic need, fine. Set a price for it. If base plus additional services meets a greater need, find. Set a price for that too.

For example, as a professional speaker, there is a rate to book me for a keynote or general session. If the conference attendees would benefit from a keynote and a breakout, or a keynote and an emcee, or a keynote, breakout, and follow-up series, there are prices for those. However, the services beyond the keynote are not value-added. They are customized to meet the clients' needs, not an indication of value. If a conference simply needs a keynote, they get a high-value keynote.

 Adding for the sake of trying to hit on something that attracts clients diminishes the value of the service offered. Value-added lost its luster within the last few years. Just provide high value and whatever you do, and you won't have to sound like the infomercial pitchman screeching, "But wait! There's more!"

Talent > Flash at the Grammys and in Workplaces

Talent is more important than flash. That was one of the messages delivered loud and clear at this year's Grammy Awards.

It was delivered by six-time winner Adele, who wore a simple black dress as she accepted three awards in which Lady Gaga was a competitor. Lady Gaga wore a dominatrix costume and carried a scepter.  Adele was queen of the night and wore a simple black dress. Talent won over flash.

A second example was Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl, who said the following when speaking on behalf of the band who won for Best Rock Album:  “For me this award means a lot because it shows that the human element of making rock is the most important. Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument and learning your craft is the most important thing for people to do...It’s not about what goes on in a computer. It’s about what goes on in (your heart) and what goes on in (your head.)” It is not about a computer altering your voice so it sounds perfect, it is about having enough talent without the voice needing alterations. Talent wins over computer-generated perfection.

A third example is the singer who wore a red devilish cape while walking the red carpet with a fake "pope". Putting aside how offensive that is to Catholics, the fact is, she was a joke. No one talked about her the next day as cutting-edge or a great artist. The same person performed, and her performance was considered droll. Obviously, she set out to be the most flamboyant person at the Grammys and to steal the show. But, no one was talking about her the next day. In fact, no one will be talking about her in a year or two, unless she becomes a criminal of some kind. The next day, that singer was a barely mentioned joke, while Adele was celebrated for her voice. Adele's performance won rave reviews.

Talent wins again.

In the workplace, it can be tempting to put on airs, but, remember, talent is more important. Walk is more important than talk in workplaces today.

You can carry a proverbial scepter around the office and act like you are more important than everyone else, but  if you have real talent, you won't need to. You won't need to put others down, copy someone else's act, or ride someone else's coattails. Work hard, work smart, and work well with others, and your talent will enable you to rise above the flashier people who simply talk about work. Talent wins over flash in the long run. As you build your reputation, keep Adele in mind. She didn't carry a scepter, attempt to offend millions of people, or fake her way to the top. When you are truly talented, you won't need to either.

------------------------
UPDATE 2/15/12

The singer described in the third example above was on one of the morning shows today. She was on the show to promote a charitable campaign of some kind (I didn't get the name of it), and she was friendly, well-spoken, and informed about the issue. She also was very sweet to a young singer who was on the show after her segment. She made me wish she had not made a joke of herself at the Grammys because she has a perspective worth sharing but ruined her chances (with some people, not all) by making her talent secondary.

Now, this question: when people resort to flash over talent (fluff over stuff), is that a form of self-sabotage? What do you think?

Teleflora shows what it thinks of women and it's not good

The New England Patriots receivers may have dropped some passes in last night’s Super Bowl, but the worst offense of the Super Bowl was Teleflora. In their television commercial, the florist blatantly implied that men who give a $70 vase of flowers will be repaid with sex.

Pundits are using that ad, along with a few others, to prove the old adage that sex sells. Other ads showed scantily clad women and one showed nearly all of David Beckham. Those ads are saying, “You can look sexy by wearing/driving/using this.” That is much different than what Teleflora’s ad said.

The florist’s ad said, “If you give this to your woman, she will have sex with you.” Said another way:  for a $70 bouquet, women will have sex.

Clearly, the florist thinks women are prostitutes. For a cheap $70 bouquet?!

I have three issues with the ad.

First, Teleflora is insulting women. Teleflora is telling men to send a vase of flowers that says, "I'm paying $70 for you to get naked." What self-respecting woman would fall for that cheap gimmick? Ladies, how impressed will you be if your man's Valentine's flowers are from that company?

Teleflora thinks women have low expectations, low morals, and low standards. Contrary to what that company thinks, women do not want flowers that say, "Get naked for this cheap bouquet." 

Second, the company is insulting men. Most men are not so stupid to send an overt demand of sex to a woman they care about. While men may have thought the model and ad were sexy (heck, women probably thought so too), smart ones will know they would be sending the wrong message if that gaudy red vase were delivered to a woman who saw that ad.

Third, I wonder how the company treats its female employees. It is obvious that the company does not hold women in high regard. How does that show up in department meetings? How do male managers speak to women there? Are women compelled to downplay their intelligence to get by in an antiquated culture? What were the meetings with the ad agency like—did the good old boys who revere the agency in Mad Men listen to any real women in 2012?

I say women should make sure that old sex sells adage is proven UN-true!

Ladies, tell your men you do not want flowers from that company. Men, you know your woman better than the florist does—if you know her expectations, morals, and standards are high, don't send her a cheap, gaudy vase that sends the message you think she is cheap and gaudy.

Don’t let the florist ruin your message by sending the wrong one on Valentine’s Day.


What do you think?
Leave a comment or answer the survey question above.

Paterno's greatest lesson

Penn State's head football coach Joe Paterno died today. He died just two months since the revelation that he did not prevent a child molester, one of his assistant coaches, from abusing young boys on the part of the campus he was responsible for the last 45+ years.

Paterno was fired in disgrace after reports came out about him ignoring witness reports of sexually abusive behavior taking place in the football team's locker room. Paterno himself admitted to not doing enough to prevent further abuse. The university fired him and severed all media and marketing ties with him. Some are saying he died of a broken heart after being so humiliated by the disgrace of his firing from his beloved university.

Since the child molestation crimes of Penn State's former assistant coach and Paterno's knowledge and acceptance of the molestation have become public knowledge, millions of people are angry at Paterno, but he still has some supporters. There are some people who have said today that "we should let the man rest in peace." Others have said they "will show Paterno the kind of peace he showed the children victimized on his watch: none!"

Within the Penn State family, Paterno was treated as a saint and revered as a man of remarkable character. Outside of Penn State, however, stories about his poor character, rudely offensive behavior, and lack of discipline among his teams are common, if not well known. Paterno's reputation within Penn State and outside of it have always been very different. The difference is even more evident since his lack of action to prevent child molestation became public.

In November, just after the assistant coach was arrested, I blogged about Paterno and others being true to who they are. (blog post) I wrote: Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well. You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Now that Paterno has died, I wonder if he ever saw himself for who he really was.

I wonder what went through Paterno's mind during the last few hours of consciousness of his life. I wonder if he prayed and sought forgiveness for allowing the abuse to continue for so many years. I wonder if he hoped his legacy would be the good things he did during his life instead of the revelations of the last two months. I wonder if he was mad at Penn State for severing ties, thinking he didn't deserve it. I wonder if he was at peace with the legacy he leaves behind.

The lesson we can all take from Paterno's death and the recent months is that we should live so the answer about our legacy is clear. And, is desirable.

Whether we're thinking about the legacy of our lives or our departures from our jobs, volunteer leadership positions, or social events, we should live deliberately so there is no doubt about our legacy.

What do you want people to say about you after you leave your current company? Or, department, neighborhood, school, client, networking group, association chapter, or church? If you do not want people cheering your departure, choose your actions accordingly. If you do want people to miss you, remember you fondly, and appreciate your work, choose your actions accordingly.

So, whether you are on a big stage like Paterno was, people in your life will remember you one way or another.

You decide.

Speakers: we've got to do better!

Some young business colleagues posted this video with the caption "this is why we all hate speakers!" Oh, sure, a few bad lecturers give all speakers a bad name. The only way to change that reputation is by being interesting and impactful--not like this video!



What do you think: are the thoughts conveyed here realistic or way off base?

Papa John's culture of crass

Have you seen this Papa John's receipt posted by a customer last weekend?

Note the third line from the bottom where next to "Name" an employee entered "lady chinky eyes". The customer tweeted the picture of her receipt along with "Hey @PapaJohns just FYI my name isn't "lady chinky eyes".

The receipt is from Friday (January 6th), it was tweeted Saturday, and Sunday Papa John's issued an apology on its Facebook page.

"This act goes against our company values, and we've confirmed with the franchisee that this matter was addressed immediately and that the employee is being terminated," the pizza company said on its Facebook page. "We are truly sorry for this customer's experience."

Hey @PapaJohns, firing someone does not address the matter.

Why would an employee think that description was acceptable? 

Clearly there is a culture at Papa John's that enabled that employee to think it was acceptable to post such a crass description of the customer.

Do you think that was the only time such a description was used? And, do you think there was just one employee in the entire Papa John's organization speaking about people that way? Do you think firing that employee means the culture is fixed?

I do not. Firing someone does not align the culture with their values.

I'd like to know what Papa John's is doing, if anything, beyond firing someone. Are they doing anything to retrain customer service people? If so, is the training anything beyond admonishments such as, "Do not type physical descriptions on receipts"? The culture issue extends beyond what the employee typed on the receipt. Hopefully, Papa John's knows that and takes steps to fix it.

What do you think: did Papa John's do enough to address the matter by firing the employee?

3 ways to avoid success

How can you tell if someone wants to be successful? Perhaps they arrive at the office earlier than others, tackle challenging work, or propose innovative ideas toward progress. There are some obvious signs of success.

How can you tell if someone is a failure? Perhaps they sleep in until 8am, passively market their ideas, or do not have any ideas. There are some obvious signs of failure. There are some less obvious signs too, and three are listed below.

Three routes to avoid success and find failure:

1. Coattail Riding: Success does not come to those who ride the coattails of others. If you do not work hard yourself, you will not experience the same level of success as others, even if a little of their light shines on you.
2. Copying: Success does not come to copycats. Be original. Have something new to say. If you do not work hard to be a leader in your field of expertise, you will not be an expert. Reading someone else's work can be helpful and interesting, but copying it as your own will not make you successful. 
3. Crying: There's no crying over errors. Successful people keep moving forward, as it says in Put Your Whole Self In! Crying, wallowing, and whining are guaranteed routes to failure.

Those three routes to failure seem like they would be obvious too. Yet, many people ride coattails, copy, and cry rather than do the work required to be at the top of the heap.

Success: do you really want it?

Everyone says they want to be successful, but few do the work required to achieve success. Everyone wants to be at the top of their field, but few do the work required to get there. Everyone wants to be extraordinary, but few do the little extra to go from ordinary to extraordinary.

I refuse to believe we are here to be ordinary. There is more in store for those who do the work, pay attention, and give more. If success came easy, everyone would have it. It takes hard work, perseverance, knowledge. It also takes less sleep, as mentioned in the video below. Clearly, few high school athletes prepare and practice like the young man in the video. On a business level, few managers do the equivalent in their fields. But, you can.

If you really want success, if you are All-In, success is there for the taking. Go get it.

 

Top Twelve Twitter Tactics

Twitter is a social media tool that enables users to post updates 140-characters at a time. It began in the summer of 2005 and has grown to more than 300 million users worldwide. As with other social media and internet-based tools, Twitter has evolved. Its use has evolved from mundane updates about personal breakfast choices to celebrity cyber-fandom to innovative charity drives.

One example of Twitter's use is the Twestival, which is a grassroots social media fundraising initiative that has generated more than $1 million in less than two year for more than 125 charities. All events are organized by volunteers and 100% of ticket sales goes to projects.

A second example is the innovative involvement of Twitter in The Voice, a singing competition which gives fans of the contestants, judges, and host unprecedented access to engage. “The kind of closeness, access and insider perspective that Twitter provides combined with a TV show is a really magical connection,” says Chloe Sladden, Twitter’s director of content and programming.

Additional Twitter uses include power outage notifications, flash mob instructions, conference communications, government rebellion updates, and university security emergencies. Twitter's use has evolved, and its users need to keep up. 

There are self-annointed Twitter gurus out there to provide their two cents on how you should use Twitter today. The list below includes my philosophy, based on my experience as a consultant, speaker, small business leader, entreprenuer, nonprofit leader, spiritual active participant in life. I'm not a guru, just an active user who has benefitted with friendships, clients, and knowledge from Twitter.

12 Twitter Do's and Do Not's

The Do's:,

1. Be social. Join the conversation, comment, RT, and reply. Lurking is not social and, while informative, will not be profitable.
2. Return follows. Twitter limits how many people you can follow who do not follow back, so I follow everyone back (except porn stars, get-rich-quick schmemers, and account-holders-but-non-posters). If you don't follow someone back, you limit the number of people they can follow, so, in my opinion, it is good manners to return follows.
3. Avoid self-promoters. It is time-consuming scrolling through endless sales pitches of self-absorbed people who use the tool incorrectly. De-follow them. (Yes, this is an exception to #2)
4. Use 140 characters. It is common today to dismiss the 140-character rule and cause people to click for your complete thought. If you cannot make the complete thought within the 140-character allotment, do not tweet it. Or, post it as a blog and clearly link it as a blog post.
5. Use your own words. Posting quotations is acceptable, but it is annoying if it's the only thing you do. People want to hear what you have to say. If you do not have anything new to say, refrain from posting. Constantly posting others' words shows you have nothing new to add to conversations.
6. Show appreciation for good tweets by RT'ing them, thanking the poster, or connecting that poster with others. Gratitude goes a long way in social media.

The Do Not's

1. Do not auto-tweet every minute of every day. I de-followed someone who did that, literally every minute, today.  No one wants your messages to take up the entire screen allotment.
2. Do not auto-tweet only. Twitter works best as an engagement tool, not as one-way blasts.
3. Do not overly promote yourself, your business, or your latest MLM venture. You lose credibility and interest, just as you would if you spoke in a self-absorbed manner in person.
4. Do not post a thought in 100 characters and use the 40 remaining characters to link to your book on amazon.com. That's just trampy.
5. Do not auto-DM your new followers. It is very 2010 to use DMs as auto-responders, but it would be acceptable to DM to engage in genuine conversation.
6. Do not post FF on Fridays any more--again, so 2010. Feel free to post a FF once in a while, even one a day, but do not post ten in a row full of FFs.

That's the list of Do's and Do Not's that are top-of-mind today. To sum up: treat Twitter followers with the same manners and respect you use with people in person.

What else would you add to the list?

3 lessons old people teach us about fun

All-In strategy number five, from the book Put Your Whole Self In! Life & Leadership the Hokey Pokey Way, is to Enjoy Now.

I talk in the book and in presentations about not putting off joy until something happens--like the mortgage is paid off, a new coworker arrives, the lazy boss is ousted, the kids go off to college. Seek something to honor, appreciate, and celebrate every day. Seek to laugh every day and to make someone else laugh daily too.

Here's a video that made me laugh this week:

Three things can we all learn from that clip:

1. Don't wait for joy to find you today. Create it for yourself and those around you.
2. Be prepared for fun at any time. Have the right tools--like an extra steering wheel.
3. The event may be brief, but the laugh can last a long time.

One more lesson: as funny as this was, it's from a movie. Don't create your own joy at others' expense; for example, causing accidents while driving. There's enough jokers on the road these days.

Have a terrific Friday and weekend being All-In!

Does brand congruency really matter?

Is a Kardashian baby news worthy of CNN? Apparently, yes. News of a Kardashian baby made CNN's web site today, along with a video clip of Tori Spelling talking about a naked tweet, a video titled 'Bin Laden buns' sell like hotcakes, and Donald Trump's daughter's proclamation that her father should be President.

When CNN began twenty or so years ago, it was a news organization. Now, it spends as much time devoted to celebrity topics as it does real actual news. Actually, CNN spends more time on celebrity than news.

Do you know how many of the 133 stories on CNN's home page are about Iraq today?

One. It was about a hotel chain buying hotels in Iraq. Not one mention of the war. More than 100 headlines and not one about the wars Americans are fighting in the Middle East.

Do you think CNN's in-congruence diminishes their brand? Can you take CNN seriously as a news organization when it spends more time on trashy reality stars than it does on American soldiers?

Yesterday, CNN ranked second to Fox News Channel for the day.

Lest you think FNC won the day because they are more news-centric, you should know their home page also includes Kardashian news among many other celeb stories.

I suspect we viewers/readers are just used to the mix now. News junkies have reduced their expectations of the news channels, while the channels are trying to appeal to non-news-junkies by dumbing down their topics. So, even though we are used to it, does it damage their brands?

Even more important to think about...when your company does something similar, is your brand damaged?

For example, as an entrepreneur with professional business clients, is your brand power diminished by MLM emails selling purses, jewelry, vitamins, travel, or furniture? Or, as an attorney, is your brand affected when you blog about getting out of a speeding ticket? Or, as a financial services executive, is your influence among employees impacted by padding your expenses?

If, like CNN or FNC, your brand is well known and rock solid, brand in-congruence might not matter. If you are like most entrepreneurs, attorneys, and executives, however, the inconsistency can do more damage that its worth.

What do you think: does brand congruency matter?

Self-indulgent buffoonery damages teams

If you watched last night's NFL game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Pittsburgh Steelers, you saw Bob Costas express his opinion about America's culture growing more stupid and graceless, as reflected in sports. Costas speaks about the spontaneous displays of enthusiasm versus calculated obnoxious displays.

Take a look:

Costas refers to yesterdays Buffalo Bills v. New York Jets game during which a Bills player's celebratory antics cost his team a penalty, which made it easy for the Jets to score the game-winning touch down. When the same self-absorbed player dropped a pass near the end of the game, he did not do an apology dance, Costa says.

Costa asks where the coaches are and why the coaches don't bench players when their antics damage their team. So far, I have not seen a coach respond. What could a coach say, "It's just boys being boys"? I've heard that response often when this topic is debated. The problem with it is that the boy being a boy often causes penalties. When self-absorption impacts teammates or the outcome of a game, the coaches and team leaders need to step in. Team leaders can help the ego-driven athlete understand his role as a teammate and coaches can ensure the message is received.

Most players do not indulge in graceless buffoonery after they score. Most players understand where the line between buffoonery and enthusiasm is drawn, and they have the accurate filter through which to behave. The few who do not look foolish because of their actions, immature because of their lack of control, and selfish because they do not care about their teams.

The same can be said of teams within workplaces. I have not seen a teammate jump on a boardroom table, pull a pen out of his sock, and sign an approved proposal while spinning on his head. But, I have seen emails in which business teammates take credit for someone else's work. I have seen workplace teammates take jabs at others during meetings so they can keep all the attention. I've seen work teammates cause extra work for the whole team just to ensure that someone else does not get to make a good play.

Jealousy, insecurity, and lack of confidence cause the same type of buffoonery Costas refers to in the NFL. In fact, in his opening statement, Costas says our culture is growing more stupid and graceless and sports reflects it.

Another famous football legend, Lou Holtz, said, "When you reach the end zone, act like you've been there before." When players dance around like it's their first time in the end zone and they are shocked to see the view from there, they probably do not realize how they look to most people watching. The same can be said when workplace teammates behave in mindless exhibitionism.

What do you think: is there a line between enthusiasm and self-indulgence? How have you seen the line blurred at work? What should the leaders do about it?

Heineken nailed it

Heineken nailed it: You are who you are when no one is looking. As much as I dislike that trite phrase, it becomes more relevant every day as more and more people don't seem to realize its truth.

Whatever act you put on for peers, bosses, the media, clients, acquaintances, you are who you are. You are what you do. You are not who you say you are or who you think you are. You are who you are.

There are so many examples in the news right now, it is surprising to me how many people have not learned the truth. Or, perhaps they do not want to admit the truth about who they are--even to themselves.

One example is Penn State's legendary football coach, Joe Paterno. As you may have heard, one of Joe Pa's long-time coaches was arrested Saturday and arraigned on 40 criminal counts related to decades of sexual abuse of young boys. A 28-year-old graduate assistant witnessed the retired coach in the shower with a 10-year old boy in 2002. The assistant told Paterno, who reportedly told the Athletic Director, who apparently did nothing. Paterno did nothing else either.

The investigation and fallout from it continue, and I bring it up here because Paterno and his followers have upheld him as a beacon of greatness for decades. While Paterno has not been arrested, the fact is, he knew about the abuse and continued to allow the abuser to use the facilities at Penn State. So, whether he is legally responsible, he is morally responsible because he knew (he admits to knowing). He can think of himself as a beacon of greatness, his followers can continue to talk him up, ESPN can slop sugar all over him, but he is who he is. Paterno is someone who did not prevent gross sexual perversion of children from occurring in his facility, yet, he could have. Whatever his legal obligation, the bottom line is he knew about it and did not prevent it from continuing. He is who he is.

The Penn State situation is disgusting, and all details are not public yet.

Other less disgusting but just as obvious examples of people in denial of "you are what you are" are evident in workplaces every day:

• The manager or board member who takes credit for someone else's idea. 
• The business leader who promotes herself as a role model, yet is not successful in that business. 
• The salesperson who tells customers to buy more than they need, just so he can get commission on it.
• The employee who takes two-hour lunches, pads expense accounts, and takes office supplies.
• The entrepreneur who keeps long lists of things to do to improve his business, yet never does anything on the lists.

However you justify your behavior, however you position it to the media, coworkers, or your own mind, you are who you are. 

Live and work as though the truth of who you are is important. Whether you want to believe it or not, others can tell who you are and will treat you according to who you are, not who you think you are, not who you wish you were, and not who you say you are. The truth is evident to others. See yourself for what you are. If you do not like the results you are getting, look in the mirror.

As we talk about in The All-In Way sessions and the book Put Your Whole Self In, pass the Mirror Test every day. See yourself. See the truth about yourself. Live All-In so when you are treated the way you deserve to be, you are treated very well.

You are who you are when no one is looking. But, you should look. See yourself.

Too legit to quit

An entrepreneur named Stanley Burrell announced  the launch of a new search engine at last week's Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco. Yawn...

Don't get too bored...

Burrell's stage name is MC Hammer. Yes, that MC Hammer. You remember him because he's too legit, too legit to quit. Hammer was one of the biggest rap stars of all time, selling more than 50 million records in his heyday. He is credited with being one of the innovators of pop-rap because his music appealed to fans of both in a unique way back in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

You also might remember him for his Hammer pants, Hammer time, and personal difficulties in the late 1990s.

He's come a long way since then.

When MC Hammer was in the midst of stardom and sang about being "too legit to quit," I thought he was focused on being "too legit." He admitted as much in interviews years after spending his $20 million fortune, losing his house, filing bankruptcy, and settling copyright infringement lawsuits. He has spoken in interviews on Oprah and VH1 and elsewhere about out-of-order priorities causing his downfall.

What stands out to me now is not the "too legit" part, it's the "to quit" part. It turns out the kid dancing to a boombox outside Oakland A's ballpark really was not going to quit.

Burrell has many business holdings including a record label, artist management company, MMA management company, horse racing stable, and clothing line (that does not sell Hammer pants, by the way). He also is an established internet mogul involved with several dance sites.

This guy came from living in a tiny house with eight siblings, dancing outside the A's stadium and made it to the height of super-stardom, then lost the superstar staus and financial security, then became a successful business mogul with diverse business interests. He's living life All In!

After all of the highs and lows, Stanley Burrell really is too legit to quit. I suspect his latest high-tech venture will be successful too. Or, at least if it's not, he will be just fine. MC Hammer: too legit to quit. Stanley Burrell: U can't touch this.

Question for Readers:

Who would have thought we could learn something from Hammer Time, but we can. Knock me over with a feather. My question for you: are you too legit to quit too?

Link to article on www.CNN.com

Leadership lesson learned from silver dollars

My paternal grandparents lived in Connecticut, and we lived a thousand miles away in Missouri. We would get together in the summers on family vacations and when the Yankees came to KC to play the Royals.

The last silver dollar from my grandfather on my desk today

Every time I would see my grandfather, just a few times a year, he would put a silver dollar in the palm of my hand and give me a wink. He made me feel like the most special person in the world, and I saved many of those coins. The last one he gave me prior to his death stays on my desk as a reminder to emulate him and how he interacted with people.

For years, my grandfather walked every day at the local mall. He knew everyone there and loved seeing the same people every day. The evening of his wake in 1997, cars lined the streets and police directed traffic for the hundreds of people who wanted to pay their respects at the funeral home. People waited in a line that twisted around the room and out in to a lobby area. The line was full of neighbors, friends, and lifelong friends of his five sons. The line also was full of people wearing a variety of uniforms required of workers at the mall. So many people who knew my grandfather only from his walks at the mall made the time to come to his wake.

I was so enthralled with all of those people, I introduced myself to as many as I could so they could tell me their stories. Each told stories about how my grandfather would stop for a brief greeting or just wave if they were busy, but he acknowledged them every day. He made them feel special every day. And, it turns out, he gave them silver dollars.

My whole life, I thought I was the only recipient of the silver dollars. As a child, I learned he gave them to my brothers and cousins too, but I thought that was it. He made us feel so special when he gave us those coins.It turns out, he was doing the same all over town! He gave them to the workers at the mall, at restaurants he frequented, auto repair shops, gas stations--everywhere!

It surprised and thrilled me to learn about his friendships with so many people none of us knew and to learn that he made them feel special. I bet many of them have the last silver dollar he gave them in a special place and remember him fondly, just as I do.

So, what's the leadership lesson here?

There are many lessons to be learned from my grandfather, but the main reason I keep the final silver dollar handy is the reminder to pay attention to others. Whether you are the leader of a company, department, home, church committee, or neighborhood, you are a leader because others follow you. The more special you make them, the more loyalty they will have for you. And, small gestures like a wink, smile, daily greeting can be all you need. My grandfather could have handed out pennies and people would have loved him. The way he made people feel is why they waited in traffic and in line to honor him. It was not about the money. It was about how valuable he made people feel because he genuinely saw them as valuable.

As a leader, if you feel sorry for people who look up to you, they can tell.

For example, if you run a call center but feel sorry for the employees answering the phone, they can tell you do not value them or their positions. Perhaps you think a 45-year old woman working in a call center has not had much of a career and will never make more than $50,000, so you feel sorry for her. You don't have to say anything for your demeanor to reflect your feelings about her. What you're missing is that she is a service-minded person who is thrilled to get paid $35,000 to help people. You might feel sorry that recent college graduates can't find better jobs than the entry level ones available in the call center. But, they might be thrilled to have day jobs while they work on their music careers at night. Your attitude toward entry level jobs is reflected, even if it is not stated.

The lesson from my grandfather would be not to judge people for holding those jobs, but to genuinely care about them. They are no worse than you, just as someone who makes twice your salary is no better than you. Don't judge them either. Don't be too busy or pre-occupied to be kind. Just be happy to see people and treat them as such.

So, the leadership lesson is to treat people as if they matter because you really think they do. It might be the Golden Rule, but it's embedded in my head and heart by silver dollars.

What additional leadership lessons do you see in this story about my grandfather?

The growth plan better extend beyond financial finagling

If the primary way your company can be profitable is by moving its headquarters, you're in trouble. If production costs have increased and operating costs have followed, and the best idea your leaders have is to reduce rent, update your resume because your company won't be around long.

Of course, saving on office expenses is wise. It should just not be the primary way a company alters its Income Statement. If you're in the movie business, figure out a way to make money in the movie industry. If you run an engineering firm, figure out how to be profitable in the engineering industry. If you run a bakery, bake some revenue-generating treats. If you're in real estate, move to generate income. But, don't be in the real estate industry if you're not in the real estate industry. If you can't make a buck in the business you're in, it's time to evaluate the business you're in.

Do not expect your shareholders and stakeholders to fall for financial finagling, even if it works short-term. They recognize when a company is at the end of its rope holding on.  

Be creative, be the expert in your industry, be innovative. Come up with ideas that inspire people--employees, clients, shareholders--rather than ideas that reek of last-ditch desperation. You might be surprised by what inspired, All-In, people do when they are invited to do more than pack their desks into boxes.