Be careful what you wish for

I did not see the Golden Globes telecast Sunday, but I knew Ricky Gervais was the host. I did not know who most of the nominees were, had not seen most of the nominated movies, and still do not know who won. But, I knew in advance Ricky Gervais would be the host, and I knew he'd tip-toe on the line between clever and acerbic. 

If someone as out of touch with the event as me could anticipate how Gervais would perform, wouldn't the organizers of the event do so as well?

The organizers did know what to expect with Gervais as host, especially since he hosted the same event last year.

They invited him and wanted him to walk that fine line, and he did. Be careful what you wish for.

Gervais got a little too far over the line and was too mean-spirited, according to reviews of the event. Now, some of the superstars who were offended by Gervais's jabs are not pleased, which means they could avoid the event in the future. (Remember a few years ago when big stars did not attend awards shows? They were even more boring than they are now!)

Once you get what you asked for, you can't backtrack. You have to face the consequences.

The Golden Globes are just one example.


What about when the project you bid on comes through and you need to form a bigger team, work late for days on end, and invest big bucks before being reimbursed--be careful what you wish for. Don't complain about the bigger team, longer hours, or investment because you wished for all of that when you wished for the project.

What about when you are arguing with someone close to you and know you are right, so you keep arguing until the other person shuts down--be careful what you wish for. Don't be surprised when the other person shuts down or tunes you out for the rest of the day because you wished for all of that by wishing to win the argument.

Be careful what you wish for, and while you're wishing, think it through to be sure you're wishing for the right things. There's no backtracking later, so make wise wishes.

2011 brought to you by the letter "R"

Each Sesame Street show is famously brought to you by one of the letters of the alphabet. Along the same line, this new year is brought to you by a letter too: the letter R. This one year is a segment of our lives after all.

Kick off the new year by committing to these R words for the year:

Reflect
Resolve
Risk
Reward

Reflect daily about the good things in your life, your contributions to the world that day, who you made smile,what you are thankful for. It seems people tend to get absorbed in the negative too often--who makes us mad, who is annoying, what we don't have. Focus a little bit of time at the end of each day reflecting on the good things in your life. (This is like the Mirror Test in Put Your Whole Self In!)

Resolve to do better. Resolve to be the person you really see yourself as. Have you ever noticed people often say, "That's not who I am!" after they make a mistake or do something they are not proud of? For example, a student last semester told me he blew off studying for his final and was disappointed in himself. He said, "I am a hard worker. Blowing off finals is not who I am." In very kind terms, I told him it is who he is right now. He may not like it, he may want to be someone else, but he has to face the consequences of being who he is right now. And, he can do better next time. Resolve to be who you want to be, rather than who you used to be or who you wish you were.

Risk more often. Wisely, of course. Let this be the year you refrain from second-guessing yourself. Take chances when pursuing new business, reaching for a new career goal, building professional and personal relationships. Put yourself out there just a little bit more and see what happens. You might be surprised by the results that come from stretching yourself.

Reward yourself for your accomplishments. Rather than wait for someone else to acknowledge something good you've done, reward yourself. Management may not know what you did, clients might not realize the burden their last-minute changes had on you, friends and family might not see the behind-the-scenes effort that went in to the event you hosted. Don't expect others to reward you: reward yourself. Reducing the expectations of others in this regard will reduce the pressure on the relationships and might reduce your stress level too.

If you ponder the letter R throughout the year, and you reflect, resolve, risk, and reward yourself, your year will be tRemendous!

Reader Question:
What R words would you add to the list?

The most UN-selfish move an athlete could make

If you haven't heard of him yet, you will.

You'll be hearing a lot about Keith Fitzhugh this week because he just made a decision everyone says they would make, but few actually do. He just made what his agent called "the most unselfish thing I've heard by a player in sports." At a time when most news stories are about athletes getting arrested, pouting on the sidelines, or living large, this twenty-four-year-old is in the news for being remarkable.

Keith Fitzhugh turned down an offer to join the New York Jets to remain a conductor with Norfolk Southern Railroad.

Why oh why would someone do that?!

Keith did it because he gets a steady paycheck every two weeks, and that paycheck helps take care of his parents. His father is disabled, and his mother works hard to make ends meet. Keith helps support them, and a steady paycheck is important. If he signed with the Jets now, he could be released in a few weeks, left without a paycheck at all. He's already been through that--twice.

He said, in an article linked from ESPN, that he wants to do what is best for his family in the long-term.

He gave up the chance to join a potential Super Bowl team for the more steady paycheck which supports his family.

Would other twenty-somethings make the same choice? In fact, would thirty- or forty-somethings?

People say they put their family first, but when it comes right down to it, actions speak louder than words. People say their family comes first, yet they don't visit their aging parents for weeks at a time. They say their children come first, yet they text or talk on the phone while little Susie plays soccer. They say their family is their priority, yet they disparage their spouse to anyone who will listen.

People say their family is important, yet they extend meetings past business hours, travel for work unnecessarily, and waste time at work on weekends. Sure, meetings go past 5:00pm, business trips are important, and weekend work is required sometimes. However, sometimes meetings and weekend work are caused by lack of efficiency more so than need, and business trips are sometimes taken to boost one's ego rather than out of necessity.

Keith Fitzhugh's actions show his truth. His actions show his family really is the most important thing in his life. When your actions are consistent with your words, especially when faced with a difficult decision, you can't get more All-In than that.

(Link to ESPN article and video)

I met Frank Sinatra. Mr. Sinatra was a friend of mine. You're no Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra is known for saying, "This is my world. You're all just guests here."

Too many people have been imitating Mr. Sinatra lately, and I'm not talking about singing or acting or romancing.

Too many people act like they are the only ones who matter, and the rest of us are their guests. We live in a society where people are oblivious to others, and that is causing isolation, silos, and narcissism.

A few examples...

The elderly woman who rammed my car told me, "I decided to get a cake at the grocery store and almost missed the entrance." The grocery store was on my right, and she was on my left. So, she just acted on her decision as if I wasn't there. Was she oblivious to the fact that others are on the road at the same time, or did she just not care?

The high school swim team practices at the local YMCA and enters the locker room without toweling off. They get water all over the floors and benches and never wipe it up. An elderly woman slipped, fell and hurt her hip, yet the swimmers do not alter their behavior. Are they oblivious to the fact that others use the locker room too or do they just not care about anyone else?

Some men were meeting at a coffee shop discussing the new cars coming out for the next year. I overheard three of them talking about which new model they were planning to purchase, and I noticed the fourth man did not chime in with his new car intentions. By the end of their meeting, it was clear the fourth man had been laid off recently. Were his friends oblivious to how he might feel or not friends at all?

The culture of oblivion is so prominent, ABC has a television series dedicated to it. What Would You Do? puts people in awkward situations and wonders how they will respond. One episode had a waiter insult gay couples to see if other restaurant patrons would speak up. The waiter and couples were in on the show. Another episode had teenagers bullying each other to see if adults walking by would step in. There have been episodes involving couples, parents and children, elderly drivers, drunk medical professionals in a wide variety of situations we're all faced with on a regular basis.

Watching the show, one would think, "Of course, I would say something!" But, when it comes right down to it, do you really speak up? Or, perhaps you say something at the time, then turn right around and do something equally as oblivious to others the next minute. Or, perhaps you don't even notice something untoward is going on in the first place because you're oblivious to your surroundings.

We are living at a time when people are very self-focused, which may be a natural response during a recession that includes loss of jobs, foreclosed homes, stressed out families, budget cuts at home and work, depressed neighbors, etc. Maybe going through all of that causes people to hunker down and focus on their own situations.

The problem is that such hunkering down causes people to become oblivious to others.

How can we move our country, workplaces, families, lives forward if we're oblivious to those around us? We can't. Wake up! Pay attention! There are other people out there suffering, celebrating, learning, doing, being, hanging on, thriving, crying, giving, laughing, needing, teaching. Don't be oblivious to them!

If you want others to pay attention to you, do not be oblivious to others. If you don't want to be treated like a guest in someone else's world, don't treat people like they are guests in yours.