Integrity and Generosity in the Heartland

Don worked as a dairy farmer for 20 years, and has spent the last 20 years working at a pigment plant in Indiana. He's worked hard, and, with his wife, Don paid his debts, saved money, raised three great children, and was six months away from retirement last Thursday.

Paul works at the same plant. He's 32, with three small children and a wife who works as a waitress. Paul has been at the plant three years; he's been promoted and demoted (because of shift changes, not performance); he's been doing the dirtiest job in the plant. Paul fills and loads 50-pound bags of iron oxide powder, which is orange and has the consistency of baby powder; so, he literally works the dirtiest job at the plant. Through all the changes, Paul built a reputation as a hard worker who never complained.

More changes were announced Thursday.

Ten employees had to be laid off Thursday, and Paul was one of them. Don, whose tenure and position put him closer to the top of the food chain than the bottom, was not on the list of those sent home. But, he was concerned for those who were laid off, especially Paul. Don could not sleep for thinking about the hard-working man who took as much overtime as possible to take care of his young family without a complaint.

Paul did not complain about the layoff. He did not burn bridges on his way out the door Thursday.

In fact, Paul came to work Friday's shift.

You see, there was no one left to load the bags of orange powder. Paul came in because he knew the job needed to get done or the powder would be wasted. Of course, the company paid him for the day, but many people would have been too bitter, angry, or upset to come in. The nine others did not come in, and some of them held the same position Paul held.

Thursday, Paul went home to tell his wife he had been laid off. Jobs are tough to come by in Indiana these days, so imagine how difficult that conversation was.

Don went home from work Thursday and spoke with his wife too.

Both men came to work Friday with plans.

Paul's plan was to work the shift so the company would not lose its product. Don's plan was a little different.

Don called Paul into his office around noon to tell Paul about the conversation he had with his own wife the night before.

Don told Paul that he volunteered for the layoff, so Paul could keep his job.

Six months before retirement, Don voluntarily left his job so Paul could keep his.

Paul wept upon learning he could keep his job, and through his tears expressed his gratitude. Paul looked Don straight in the eyes, shook his hand, and thanked him.

When Don was asked why he did such a thing, Don said he knew what it was like to be in that situation with a young family.

"I'd been there and never wanted to let another man feel like I had if I could help it."

Don could help it.

Upon hearing this story, Don's son, Greg, said he hopes to be half the man his father is. Greg is very proud of his father, and it's a safe bet Paul's family is proud of him too. If we could all be "half the man" Don is, and "half the man" Paul is, the integrity and generosity could spread from the heartland the way ripples from a pebble spread in the ocean.

When "Work Friends" Become "Real Friends"

When my career began, Emotional Intelligence was taboo. Actually, EQ had barely been invented and definitely was never talked about in management circles of corporations I worked in and with. In fact, an early mentor advised me to hide all emotions and live by the mantra: Die before cry!

I was lucky to have mentors early on and knew it. They became people to lean on when I was confused, curious, frustrated, or anxious--you know, emotional. People didn't show emotions at work back then, which also meant pretty shallow work relationships were the norm. If you had one or two "work friends," you were lucky. They were always called "work friends" and rarely were invited to intermingle with "real life friends."

Today's workplaces are different.

Today, EQ is emphasized all over the place! It's emphasized for leaders and managers, sales people, customer service associates--we're all encouraged to form relationships, genuine ones, with business associates now. It is clear now how employees benefit personally and how organizations benefit financially when EQ is high, so people are more open with "work friends" than in the past.

One of the best examples of such openness happened just this week.

One of my "work friends" is going through a tough time financially right now--heck, these days, she's hardly unique, right? While she's experienced the turbulent flow of emotions, she's doing pretty well in that regard now. What struck me in a recent coffee chat with her was not how open she was sharing her emotions with me, it was how open she was sharing them with several "work friends." She mentioned sharing her situation with ten or so others in the same committee we are on, and she described how generous each had been.

They were generous in ways not measured financially.

It would be too personal to divulge in this forum, but as she shared examples of the simple kindness shown by so many people, tears welled up in her eyes. And in mine.

I was stunned by so many "work friends" giving so compassionately of themselves, and not one had discussed it in the committee. Not one spoke even one word of her situation in a gossipy, derogatory manner. Many on the committee gave of themselves in a deeply personal, selfless, and loving way which never would have happened twenty years ago.

You see, when the organization is highly Emotionally Intelligent, as the committee we share is, genuine relationships really do form. When "work friends" become "real friends," magic happens.