Social Media Won't Work if You Are Not Social

I'm a member of 17 groups on Linked In. That's not impressive or anything. In fact, I created 4 of the groups myself. Luckily, others have joined me in all of the groups.

Some of the groups have hundreds of members all over the world. The smallest group is for a specific MasterMind, which only includes 4 of us. Some groups are specific to an industry, such as Professional Keynotes, while another is for a hobby, like Notre Dame football. There are hundreds of other groups I am not in and know nothing about.

The point is: if you want to be in a group of like-minded people, there's a group for you. Or, you can create one in about two minutes.

What is the benefit of joining a group, especially one with hundreds of members?

I am pretty sure someone will not think, "I need to hire a keynoter, so I'll scroll through the 776 members of the Professional Keynote Speakers group." So, if not for being selected for business, what is the point?

If someone joins a community, what is their obligation to it?

Is it okay for someone to join and reap the benefits but not participate? Not share ideas or resources?

I am trying to contribute better to the communities I commit to. A new author posted about the release of his new book. He didn't ask for advice, so I just congratulated him. Next thing I know, he's offering to help me network and we're meeting for coffee next week.

In another group someone asked for advice about training in the health care industry. I replied that I have some experience in that area and would gladly speak with him. We spoke for 13 minutes yesterday. He was so grateful and could not believe I gave him the time. Plus, I had some good ideas for him, if I may say so myself.

In every group, there are discussions without replies. Why not?

Why join the group but not participate in any discussions? Everyone does not need to reply every time, but if you join a community, look for ways to contribute to it. Offer advice, compliment and congratulate others, and do more than take expertise offered.

If you use social media, be social so you get something out of it--and allow others to as well.

Watch the Bullying, Ladies

It turns out men are equal-opportunity bullies spreading the boorish behavior to men and women, but women bully other women.

An estimated 54 million people say they have been bullied at work, according to a 2007 survey by Zogby International, and more than 70% of the bullying is women bullying other women, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute.

Good Morning America shared those stats in a story this morning. (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=6943347&page=1)

Two things were truly bothersome with the GMA story today.

The first was the 70% stat shared. Are those bullies afraid to speak that way to men? Do they not see how mean their behavior is? Do they let their children behave that way? Women leaders need to be aware of how they come across to employees, no matter what level they are.

Part of being Emotionally Intelligent is understanding the impact you have on others. Employees will not give 100% effort to people who belittle, badger, or bully them. These days, when workforces are thin, most companies need all the effort they can get.

The other bothersome component of the story was the "bully roundtable" included. Women who were trying to learn about their bullying behavior are part of a "bully roundtable." GMA showed three or four of the women airing their comments about not realizing they were bullies. The women said the right things, and if one reads the article linked it looks like they get it. But, their body language and voice tones come across as flippant and condescending.

I wondered if those women are in the roundtable because their HR department forced them to be there. Clearly, they do not get it. Clearly, they are not going to change when left on their own. Clearly, women who work with the women in the story will continue to be treated poorly.

It's too bad they don't get it.

Those women, and women like them, are giving the rest of us a bad name. We're ladies. I'm not going to say what those bullies are, but let's say "witches." Next time one of them wonders how her workplace reputation as a "witch" was started, I hope she looks in the mirror and sees the truth.

There are no Part-Time Jerks

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Steven Fowler's coworkers, fellow board members, clients, neighbors, and associates saw the man he is when he was on the television show Wife Swap, which aired January 30, 2009.

On the show, two opposite families switch wives/moms for two weeks. The January 30th episode switched a mom from a small Missouri town with a life coach from San Francisco. The families have very different lifestyles, but what has made the news is how the San Francisco father treated the Missouri mother.

(For the record, the wives live in each other's homes, but the show is a non-sexual experiment.)

Fowler called the Missouri mom names and constantly berated her for being uneducated and overweight. He was truly one of the most arrogant people ever shown on television. Plus, he repeatedly insulted Missouri, which really got my goat!

Since the show aired, Fowler has received threats, someone egged his house, and he resigned from two non-profit boards. His neighbors report on the increased security at the home and on the increased traffic of people coming by to stare. Fowler has become famous for being despicable; although, he issued an apology for being arrogant.

He issued an apology, but it is too late to take back his behavior. He really did call the woman names and make fun of her. He really did say he was better than her. He really did come across as an elitist jerk. An apology can't take it back. He showed people who he is, and now he has to face it himself.

We're not all going on television shows or performing so rudely on a worldwide stage, but consider behavior at kids' volleyball or soccer games. A man last week tried to argue a line judge's call with me. I did not participate in his argument but felt sorry for people he works with. Consider behavior at a store, bank, or post office. I saw a woman wearing the logo of her employer (a safe assumption) get mad at the grocery store when the Diet Coke hadn't been stocked.

Leaders represent their companies all the time. Leaders represent themselves all the time. Leaders need to be uber-aware of the impression given all the time because when you show someone who you are, they will believe you. If they see who are, your business reputation could be affected, as Fowler's was.

If you are a jerk on TV, or at a volleyball game, or in line at the post office, you're probably a jerk at work too. And, people will believe you.


(Link to an ABC story about Fowler and the ramifications of his appearance on the show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhykAAg86bs )

Machiavellian Manipulator

Yesterday's blog story stuck with me again today. One coworker told another about her boss ranting like a child after a client changed the scope of a project. The employee was upset and did not hold the boss, whom I gathered is the VP of Sales or Client Services, in high regard.

What sticks in my mind today about the incident is how often I hear similar stories. As a leadership consultant who meets dozens of people a week through programs, networking, or interviews, hearing about an executive going off on people is not rare.

Often, the executive is a Machiavellian Manipulator. He is well dressed, well spoken, well connected. He is everything a well respected executive should be--in front of fellow execs or Board members. Behind closed doors with lower level employees, however, his is something else.

He is often feared because of his lack of emotional control. He lacks respect for people lower on the career ladder than himself, and shows it by speaking down to them, ignoring their requests, and diminishing their needs. He takes credit for their ideas and feels entitled to do so. He manipulates those who report to him because they cannot speak up to anyone.

Who would believe their word against the person who is so well liked, spoken, and connected? No one. So, the employees continue being afraid, disengaged, and biding their time until they can move elsewhere.

As a leader, be weary of being the Machiavellian Manipulator and make sure none are on your team. If you have an executive who reports to you who fits this description, it would be worth your time to adjust his, or her, attitude before he costs you clients and valued employees.

Pssst...Your Character is Showing

"A person's character can be measured by that which makes him angry."

Mark Twain

Recently I overheard a conversation between two people who work together. We were at a coffee shop where they were using loud indoor voices, so it was quite easy to hear their conversation from a table a few feet away.

Apparently, one of their bosses, whom I gathered is the VP of Sales or Account Services, went on a rampage in the office earlier this morning. She was yelling in the office about a client who cut back a project which has been in the works for months. The VP ranted about the client within earshot of employees on her team, along with anyone in their offices, and threw a stapler across the office.

The employee was upset about the incident, although it did not sound like she was the target of the rampage, and was emotional when filling in her coworker.

Is it reasonable for the VP to be upset about the project and budget change? Sure. Is it reasonable for the VP to scream in the office? No.

No, it is not reasonable for an adult to behave like a two-year old who doesn't get her way. Professional adults, at all levels, need to be in more control of their emotions than a two-year old.
Professional adults do not scream at others, nor do they throw supplies around the office.

Professional adults need to understand the impact of their emotions. When the VP showed lack of control for her anger, she gave those around the impression that she is immature and unable to handle adversity. In fact, that impression was given beyond those around, as it was also given to each person those people told.

In a time when emotions are running high and people are stressed out, company leaders need to maintain control of their emotions. They need to understand the impact their emotions have on others, and they need to know how best to maintain control. In a time when the ability to handle adversity is essential, leaders need to consistently and constantly demonstrate Emotional Intelligence (EI).

Employees are always measuring leaders' behavior and making decisions based on what they see. If a leader shows lack of EI, employees will not follow, believe, or trust her. Character shows all the time, especially when times are tough. Measure up.

Strategy v. Execution

Which is the more important role in your job: strategy or execution?

The Wall Street Journal posed the question to members of its CEO Council, a group of 100 top CEOs first convened in last fall.

Most CEOs could not select one or the other; although, many agreed CEOs should spend more time on strategy while hiring others to focus on execution. One concern in certain industries is creating strategies which are flexible enough to change easily if they do not work.

The CEO's job is to determine vision, identify strategies, and ensure execution. Of course, they do not do any of those alone. The three jobs are accomplished with teams of people.

Whichever is important in your job, success comes down to people. A company could have a compelling vision and smart strategies, but if people are not excited about them, they will not happen.

Strategy or execution? I think it's a trick question. The answer is "People."

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

"Our people are our most important asset" is spoken as often as Sweet Caroline is sung during karaoke. And, those words are as unimpressive as the Neil Diamond wanna be's. Why doesn't proclaiming people as the greatest asset mean anything any more?

The answer: because the sentiment is easier said than done. Companies often say they care about their people, even including lovable words in Mission, Vision, and Values Statements.

How do companies show they care?

By the benefits they provide--health care, tuition reimbursement, vacation days, etc. Providing updated equipment, high safety standards, and a decent working environment also show companies care. The ways listed are important to employees, but they are viewed as the cost of doing business rather than as evidence of care.

How people are treated on a daily basis is a true indicator of a company's care.

For example, Linda, an account coordinator for a medium-size company, was put on bed-rest for pre-term labor for the last three weeks of her pregnancy. The company's HR manager sent flowers upon the delivery, and that was the only communication the company had with her for several weeks.

Sure, her close company friends called, but her boss did not and neither did anyone else in Management. The company missed an opportunity to bond with Linda and cement her loyalty. The HR VP was surprised Linda returned for only a short time after her child was delivered. Frankly, no one who pay attention to employee loyalty and to leadership would have been surprised.

A better example is the KCIM Cares program at Kansas City Internal Medicine. Twice a month employees can pay $5 to wear jeans to work. The money goes into a fund which is used to help coworkers in need. Funds were used for an employee whose electricity was nearly shut off, for the funeral of an employee's child, and for donations to a favorite charity. The company says it cares about employees, and it shows.

It's not usually the policies, procedures, or benefits people take to heart.

It's how they are treated by immediate supervisors, no matter what level, on a daily basis. Make sure organization leaders, and managers, don't miss opportunities to do simple things to show genuine care. Simple actions will make the difference in the employees' day (and, thus, productivity) and in their loyalty to the company.

Sincerity will show your coworkers they are the most important assets and will impress them just like the gal who belts out a superb rendition of Me & Bobby McGee at karaoke.

A Humble Hero, A True Leader

As Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger continues to share the story of Flight 1549, he exposes more and more about true leadership.

When someone (sorry, I've watched him so many times now, I've forgotten the interviewers) asked how he felt about being called a hero, Sully spoke of his discomfort with the label but did not want to diminish how others felt about him. He said he did not want to take away from the feelings they had about what he did for their families.

In all his humility, Sully is not saying, "Oh it was nothing" because that would insult people who feel something great. He is so in-touch with himself and comfortable with who he is that he is uber-aware of how he impacts others. He knows people want a hero right now, and he is letting them have one. While modest and humble, he is respecting others' needs.

Sully realizes their need to call him a hero is not really about him, after all. It is about them. They have a need. Clearly, Sully is a humble man. He does not need the pomp and circumstance surrounding the aftermath of Flight 1549. No, he does not need to be called a hero. The people need to have a hero. So, he accepts the label and is sharing his story.

An important aspect of Emotional Intelligence, and true leadership, is being aware of how one impacts others. Great leaders get out of their own heads and think about others.

How often have similar stories been publicized, but with the "hero" taking credit or feigning humility? On a smaller scale, how often do you hear someone say, "No problem" when thanked? Why must they diminish the gratitude? When someone appreciates you, let them. When someone thanks you, let them. Let people have that moment.

The more we can focus on others, following Sully's lead, the better job we'll do as true leaders.

He Knew

A deeply profound part of Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger's interview with Katie Couric on 60 Minutes last evening was when Couric asked the pilot what was going through his mind as he prepared to land Flight 1549 in the Hudson. He shared his thoughts about being comforted by the knowledge that the flight attendants would get the passengers off the plane if he landed it safely. Couric said, "That's a big if."

Sully replied to Couric, "I knew I could do it."

He knew he could do it? Wow.

Such confidence in the midst of a dangerous crisis is profound. He did not say he would try to land the plane. He knew he could land it.

Sully described having to keep his cool. "The physiological reaction I had to this was strong, and I had to force myself to use my training and force calm on the situation," he said.

Without using the term, Sully described the essence of Emotional Intelligence (EI) throughout the interview. His awareness of his own emotions and reactions, trust of the crew, understanding of how his emotions would impact 155 people--all are related to EI. EI has been somewhat of a buzzword in recent years, but it is the essentials of it which separate true leaders from those with fancy titles. Sully embodies it. From the reaction of his family and friends, he embodies it all the time, not just in a crisis or in the spotlight. Sully is the type of leader most wish to become.

Learning from him, perhaps we can all hone our abilities so we could perform as well in a crisis. Perhaps we could all become better leaders who know we can do whatever it takes to do our jobs the best.

He just knew, and so can we.



(The link to the 60 Minutes interview and story: http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/60minutes/main3415.shtml)

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You opens today. The basic premise of the movie, and book upon which it is based, is when a boy is mean to a girl, it means he does not like her.

Unfortunately, girls often misconstrue the bad behavior to mean the boy does like her, so she is overly persistent in trying to get his attention. "He lost my number" a girl will say to justify why he has not called after what she thought was a great initial meeting. Or, "He calls at midnight every Friday night because he's just busy during the week and forgot to ask me out." Um, no, he didn't forget.

The truth is, if the boy likes the girl, he calls. If he is interested, he initiates contact. If he wants to get to know her better, he makes it happen. The movie tries to make the point that since he isn't into her, she should move on to someone who will be into her.

Can this premise apply at networking functions or in the office?

Can we say, "I'm just not that into you" at networking functions when pushy sales people promise to save us money on our benefit plans when they don't have a clue what our needs, plans, or costs are?

Can we say, "I'm just not that into you" at work when someone we know doesn't carry her weight on team projects invites us to join a team?

Sure, it would be rude to use the exact phrase, but most of us could benefit from speaking up politely when needed.

On the other hand, if you're a frustrated sales person who hears, "I'm just not that into you" from potential clients, consider the difference between being a pest and being useful. Rather than give up at the first "No," become a useful resource for your target customer. Persistence will only pay off when you listen to the potential customer and be what he needs. Being attractive to the customer will work better than being annoying.

It also works for girls and guys.

He's Just Not That Into You just might have lessons for all of us, even those not playing the dating game per se.

Who do you think you are?

One can learn a lot about society by people-watching at a Starbucks. I spent 4 hours in a Starbucks today, 3 of them in meetings. In between the meetings, I noticed a few things which made me want to ask, "Who do you think you are?"

To the business people dressed in suits who left their trash on the table: who do you think you are? Is it too much trouble to throw a coffee cup in the trash? It's not like you have to do dishes or bus full table settings. Is it really up to the next people meeting there to clean up after you? Do your coworkers have to clean up after "messes" you make too?

To the guy who snapped at the employee for making the wrong drink: who do you think you are? Is getting a regular mocha instead of a white mocha really going to ruin your day? The employee made a new drink, get over yourself. Who do you think you are to be so rude? I'd hate to think of how you would act if something truly tragic happened in your life. Are you as rude to coworkers when you're in a bad mood at work?

To the young lady talking loudly on her cell phone about how her boss makes her get coffee: who do you think you are? Well, honestly, I felt somewhat sorry for the gal but wondered what she's done to show she's capable of more than getting coffee. Is she waiting to be discovered as awesome by simply doing the minimum asked? I don't know but wondered so she's in the category. Plus, she ought to talk a little softer when badmouthing the boss in public.

Finally, to the group of job seekers meeting to discuss strategies: who do you think you are? I hope you've figured out what makes you who you are and what you can offer another company. I wish you luck in your searches.

It's interesting to watch the happenings at a Starbucks. It's interesting to watch how people behave when they think no one notices. It made me wonder who some of those people are at work and if they would behave the same way had their bosses or spouses been watching.

Blame the Weight Gain on The Girl Scouts

It's the Girl Scouts' fault I gained 3 pounds in the last 10 days. Thin Mints? Ha! They don't make you thin! Even with fewer cookies to a box this year, one can eat the whole box in two or three sittings. And, they are everywhere!

Cute little uniformed Girl Scouts push their minty treats at the entrance to stores, gyms, and offices. If it isn't the Scout herself tempting passers by with cookies, it's her parents.

Do we really need Scout mommies bringing the order forms, or, even worse, the cookies themselves, into work? How much time is spent selling the cookies, collecting the funds, and delivering them office-to-office? Are the parents a little more pushy than the Scouts? Actually, I understand their plight, as I'd be pushing to get rid of them too; otherwise, 3 pounds would be 33 pounds.

There's been a lot of talk lately about the pressure to buy Girl Scout cookies at work. I wonder if the buyers really feel pressure, or are they using it as an excuse for their purchases? To get the cookie pusher off your back, you could buy one box. Buying 5 boxes then saying you felt pressured is a little silly.

Plus, we're all grown ups at work. Shouldn't we be able to say a polite, "No thank you" when invited to purchase cookies? If someone working with me couldn't say "No" to something like that, I just might question his decision-making ability overall. Would he be able to resist a vendor asking for a price increase? Would she negotiate a fair rate with a supplier? I wonder...

Plus, oh, one more plus...

What is the company supposed to do? Ban the sale of Girl Scout cookies in the workplace? Why punish the people who want the cookies, just because someone cannot say "No" on their own? I'm not sure CEOs or HR VPs have time these days to police the sale of cookies. Not sure I want them spending their time that way either.

What do you think? Is selling Girl Scout cookies at work a problem? Do you have a solution?

My cookies are finished. Now I'm going to blame the Girl Scouts for the extra time at the Y!

Missing the Obvious

Have you ever seen someone in a meeting and wondered to yourself, "Didn't he look in the mirror before leaving his house?" Or, "Doesn't she know dogs come running when she talks with that high-pitched tone?" Or, "Who does he think he is being late all the time?"

Why do people miss the obvious?Is it lack of self-awareness?

Perhaps he was in a hurry to get ready for the day and is lucky to be wearing pants at all, much less be concerned with the falling hem and kool-aid stains. Perhaps she hasn't noticed people constantly ask her to repeat because her voice is like one of those silent dog whistles. Perhaps he is oblivious to his tardiness because he has a busy day ahead. Perhaps they aren't paying attention to how they affect others.

Is it lack of knowledge? Perhaps they think the outfits fit, they squeaky voice is endearing, or their tardiness quirky? Maybe they don't know their actions contribute to their professional reputations, which affect how others treat them?

Are people simply too busy to think about the impression they give? Or, do we simply not care any more?