When "Work Friends" Become "Real Friends"

When my career began, Emotional Intelligence was taboo. Actually, EQ had barely been invented and definitely was never talked about in management circles of corporations I worked in and with. In fact, an early mentor advised me to hide all emotions and live by the mantra: Die before cry!

I was lucky to have mentors early on and knew it. They became people to lean on when I was confused, curious, frustrated, or anxious--you know, emotional. People didn't show emotions at work back then, which also meant pretty shallow work relationships were the norm. If you had one or two "work friends," you were lucky. They were always called "work friends" and rarely were invited to intermingle with "real life friends."

Today's workplaces are different.

Today, EQ is emphasized all over the place! It's emphasized for leaders and managers, sales people, customer service associates--we're all encouraged to form relationships, genuine ones, with business associates now. It is clear now how employees benefit personally and how organizations benefit financially when EQ is high, so people are more open with "work friends" than in the past.

One of the best examples of such openness happened just this week.

One of my "work friends" is going through a tough time financially right now--heck, these days, she's hardly unique, right? While she's experienced the turbulent flow of emotions, she's doing pretty well in that regard now. What struck me in a recent coffee chat with her was not how open she was sharing her emotions with me, it was how open she was sharing them with several "work friends." She mentioned sharing her situation with ten or so others in the same committee we are on, and she described how generous each had been.

They were generous in ways not measured financially.

It would be too personal to divulge in this forum, but as she shared examples of the simple kindness shown by so many people, tears welled up in her eyes. And in mine.

I was stunned by so many "work friends" giving so compassionately of themselves, and not one had discussed it in the committee. Not one spoke even one word of her situation in a gossipy, derogatory manner. Many on the committee gave of themselves in a deeply personal, selfless, and loving way which never would have happened twenty years ago.

You see, when the organization is highly Emotionally Intelligent, as the committee we share is, genuine relationships really do form. When "work friends" become "real friends," magic happens.